Hard to Love

Tyson retreated to the bathroom while MacKenzie and I made our way back into the living room. She hoisted the cucumber proudly over her head, waving it in time with the music, and led the way back to my computer.

MacKenzie settled onto the sofa, the laptop balanced on her knees and I scooted in beside her to…supervise.

‘Click here,’ I told her, pointing to the tab labeled Models. The title had seemed a little strange to me, but I supposed that sounded classier than saying porn stars. The pictures were mostly topless girls posing seductively. MacKenzie scrolled past the photos of the girls. Last night I’d thoroughly inspected each image, wondering if Cade had slept with them, and which he preferred best. All of the girls were thin and tanned with large, fake breasts. I didn’t want to, but my mind had inevitably made comparisons to my own body.

I was of average height, average weight. My breasts were decidedly real, they fell several inches when I removed my bra, and I had far too many freckles to be considered sexy. Pretty, maybe, but certainly not on par with the type of women he usually slept with. But all thoughts of insecurity vanished when I’d spotted Cade’s photo.

‘That’s him.’ I pointed at the photo.

It said his name was Sebastian, but it was definitely Cade. He was standing near a weight bench, gym shorts loose on his narrow hips to show his cut abs and he was smirking like he knew a secret the rest of us didn’t.

‘Damn. He’s fucking hot.’

I giggled. ‘I know.’

MacKenzie clicked on his photo. Though I had spent time last night poring over each one, I couldn’t help but lean forward to join in her inspection. He had a full page of photos. In many of them he was wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs, and then a few where the boxers had been removed and all of him was proudly on display. The tattoo I’d wondered about was a tribal design that covered his left shoulder and crawled up his chest, ending at his neck.

I blushed at the sight of his fully erect cock and heat crept up my chest until I was rosy and warm. I couldn’t help but reminisce about being near Cade in the semi-private hospital room, where I’d been close enough to feel the heat of his skin and smell of the scent of his musky arousal.

MacKenzie scrolled down to the bio beneath the photos. I’d read it last night, but couldn’t resist reading it again over her shoulder. It said he was their newest model, and worked exclusively for their site. The bio claimed he was extremely professional to work with and always focused on making sure the girls felt comfortable. Outside of work he enjoyed working out and listening to rock music. It sounded like a clichéd line of bull, but that didn’t keep me from grasping at every bit of information I could get.

Tyson appeared from the kitchen, this time with a bottle of beer, and sank down on the chair across the room.

‘Ty, you want to see what a real man looks like?’ MacKenzie teased.

I elbowed her side. Tyson was only a few inches taller than me, and had a slight build, but he was cute and I didn’t like her tearing him down. Especially since he regularly caught flack for being one of only a few male nursing students.

‘I get to see that every day, babe. I’m good.’ He polished off the rest of his beer.

MacKenzie closed the laptop. ‘Let’s go out. If I look at any more of these, I’ll bang the first guy I see at the club.’

By the time we arrived, the Jell-O shots had caught up with me. Tyson slipped his arm around my waist and helped me inside. Once we were stationed at the bar, he deposited me safely on a barstool, refused MacKenzie’s request for more shots, and ordered me a beer and a water.

With our drinks in hand, we found a corner booth and slid into the seats.

I slumped back against the seat, resting my head against Ty’s shoulder. ‘What was in these Jell-O thingies? I feel funny.’

MacKenzie laughed. ‘Vodka. I thought you knew Jell-O shots had booze in them.’

Ty grasped my chin, turning my face to his. ‘How many of those did you have, Lex?’

I tried to count and lost track. ‘Um, ten? Twelve?’

‘Shit,’ he said, and took the bottle of beer from my hand, replacing it with the water.

‘Damn it, Kenzie. You said you’d watch out for her tonight.’

MacKenzie waved him off. ‘She’s drunk, not dead, Tyson. Calm down. It’s her twenty-first birthday, and P.S.—you’re not her dad.’ She knocked back a healthy swig of her own drink.

‘Don’t fight, you guys. I’m fine.’ I reached out to pat each of them reassuringly but fumbled. ‘See?’

They both laughed at my lack of coordination.

‘Sometimes I forget how sheltered you are, Alexa. I swear you act like you were raised by the Cleavers, with your day-of-the-week cotton underpants and everything.’ she chuckled.

I sat up straighter in my seat. ‘Just because I’m a virgin to Jell-O shots doesn’t mean anything. Hell, I’m a virgin in every sense—’ I slapped a hand over my mouth. Crap! I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

MacKenzie grabbed my shoulders. ‘Are you serious right now?’

I nodded, reluctantly. Kenzie’s and Tyson’s faces were both filled with surprise at my revelation. ‘What? It’s not like I’m proud of it. I don’t want to be this way anymore.’

MacKenzie took my hand. ‘Babe, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But if you do want to get rid of it—it’s not that difficult to do. Your parents did have the birds and bees talk with you, right?’

I grabbed my beer away from Ty and took a fortifying sip. ‘I’m not like you. I couldn’t have a one-night stand.’

‘Well, don’t come crying to me when you find yourself old and living alone with a bunch of cats.’

I took another pull from my bottle, not about to tell her I’d been thinking about getting a cat lately.

‘Leave her alone, Kenzie,’ Tyson said, removing the beer from my grasp yet again. He leaned over to me. ‘If you want me to help you, just let me know.’

MacKenzie swatted Tyson’s hand away from my thigh. ‘No, Ty. I get to help pick him out. Sort of a birthday present.’ She smiled.

I rolled my eyes, blowing off their suggestions. I was not picking out a random guy to sleep with on my twenty-first birthday. And I sure as hell wasn’t sleeping with Tyson. Gah! Could you imagine? He’s like a brother to me.

‘Oh my God! Alexa, look.’ MacKenzie pointed across the bar. ‘It’s the guy from the website.’

Chapter 3 (#ua4832c62-98fc-50c9-a4cd-5d8f13eac78a)

Cade

I sat at the bar nursing a beer, lost in my thoughts.

‘You want a nipple on that bottle, man? Stop being a little bitch and drink up,’ Ian said, knocking back his own beer in a few swallows.

I shot him a warning look. ‘Don’t fuck with me tonight, I’m not in the mood.’ I’d been hell-bent on getting drunk tonight, needing a few hours’ peace from the worry that constantly followed me around, but somehow I was failing even at that. ‘Lily’s latest surgery bill came.’

‘Sorry, man.’ Ian tipped his beer, clinking the bottle against mine. ‘Let me know if I can help.’

I nodded. I’d never ask him for help, and we both knew it, but still, just that he offered meant a lot. Ian and I had been friends since the eighth grade when I moved here to live with my grandparents. He knew all about my sister Lily, and the condition that left her poor little spine and legs tangled and twisted. After my parents’ three-strikes-you’re-out meth bust that landed them both in prison when she was three, and my grandparents each passing within a year after that, I’d had sole custody of her. She was six now and a sassy little thing that didn’t know the meaning of the word disabled. It was one of the many things I loved about that little girl. But her care wasn’t cheap, which left me constantly worrying about money.

Ian, a lifelong martial-arts enthusiast, had introduced me to cage fighting a couple of years ago. It was a perfect fit. The opportunity to earn fast money and take out my pent-up aggression all at once. But it wasn’t enough. And then my latest dumbass venture came along. Rick had approached both Ian and I, but I was the only one hard up enough for cash to consider it. Or the only one dumb enough, take your pick. Ian knew I was working for Rick, but didn’t want any of the details, so of course I hadn’t mentioned my late-night visit to the ER.

After getting the bill for Lily’s latest surgery, I realized it wasn’t just a well-paying job I needed, it was one that came with health insurance, too. But if I could stick it out and film even a couple of videos, I’d have more than enough to pay the bill. Then I could focus on cleaning up my act and getting a real job, for Lily’s sake.

Realizing I was lost in my thoughts again, Ian cleared his throat. ‘Stop stressing, bro. You get plenty of that during the week. We haven’t been out in God knows how long, and since you have a babysitter for Lil tonight, we need to make good use of this time.’

‘Yeah? And how do we do that?’ Hitting the gym for a late workout session, followed by a hot shower and my bed sounded like a perfectly good use of my time. I didn’t even think I was capable of catching a buzz at the moment.