The Secret Mother

It was. Earlier in the day the housekeeper had announced her intention of spending the evening with her married daughter.

His eyes on Caroline’s transparent face, Matthew said sardonically, ‘However, if you feel more at home in the kitchen, when I’ve showered and changed I’ll join you there.’

He appeared to be back to his cool, disciplined self, and, watching him walk away, she wondered shakily what had provoked that burning display of anger, that need to deride and dominate.

Surely not just the use of his name in a child’s fairy tale?

She felt a cold shiver run through her. He had never tried to disguise the fact that he didn’t like her, but for that short space of time he had appeared almost to hate her.

Yet he had kissed her like a man who was starving.

As she made her somewhat unsteady way to the kitchen the remembrance filled her with disturbing and conflicting emotions.

Just one kiss, nevertheless it had altered everything. It had destroyed her composure, banished any slight feeling of peace or security she had gained, and reinforced how perilous her being here was.

A meal had been left ready, and while she put the chicken casserole into the microwave and began to set the table she was beset by a different anxiety. What did Matthew want to talk to her about? Her month’s trial time was almost completed, so had he decided to get rid of her?

No, surely not. She tried to be practical. He knew Caitlin had accepted her, and he needed a nanny.

Then what? Had he somehow discovered who she was?

No, if he had he would have turned her out immediately. She remembered only too clearly the look of loathing on his face that awful night as, white-lipped, he’d said with a fury no less devastating for being quiet, ‘I want you out of my house first thing in the morning. I never want to have to set eyes on you again.’

Shivering, she made an attempt to push the painful memory away. It had happened a long time ago, and was part of the past she tried so hard not to think about.

In a way, coming to work here had been madness, but she couldn’t regret taking the chance fate had offered her. Yet it left her open to even more heartache, she thought despairingly, if her brief happiness was about to come to an end.

The click of the latch made her jump.

Though she had thought herself prepared, her heart turned over at the sight of him. He had changed into an olive-green polo-necked shirt and casual trousers, and looked both dangerously attractive and formidable.

He had a way of moving, an arrogant tilt to his dark head, an almost feline grace and symmetry that, combined with his extraordinary eyes, had always put her in mind of a black panther. She felt her mouth go dry.

While she removed the casserole from the oven he took a bottle of white wine from the fridge, and, having opened it, he asked, ‘Why only one glass?’

‘I don’t usually drink,’ she answered simply.

His eyes clouding with anger, or impatience, he went to get a second glass. ‘I know that’s what you told me, but just this once I won’t hold it against you.’

As he filled the glasses she put a bowl of fluffy rice and a tossed green salad on the table, and took the chair opposite his.

With easy authority, he served both her and himself before picking up his fork.

For a while they ate without speaking, until, needing to break the silence, striving for normality, she asked, ‘Have you had a good trip?’

The chiselled lips twisted. ‘You sound for all the world like a dutiful wife.’

‘I’m sorry. I was just trying to be pleasant.’

‘While I’m being anything but?’

Then, with that sudden change of direction which seemed designed to fluster her, he said, ‘The day I gave you the job, I mentioned that Caitlin was my stepbrother’s child.’

Though it was more a statement than a question, he was clearly waiting for an answer, and she nodded.

‘You didn’t ask what had become of him.’ Watching the colour drain out of her face, leaving it ashen, he added, ‘I wonder why?’

Her voice sounding hollow, echoing inside her own head, she said, ‘I didn’t consider it was any of my business.’

‘I’ll tell you all the same. It’s three years today since he was killed in an accident. That’s why I’m in such a black mood...’

As she stared at him transfixed, unable to move or speak, like someone mortally wounded, he added, ‘So perhaps you’ll forgive me?’

It seemed an age before she was able to say through bloodless lips, ‘Of course...I’m sorry.’

He reached to refill the glasses. ‘I take it you’ve had no worries over Caitlin while I’ve been away?’

Gathering herself, Caroline said, ‘No, she’s been fine. She’s missed you, of course, and asked about you every day.’

‘She calls me Daddy?’

‘Yes.’

‘I haven’t discouraged her, as I’m hoping to legally adopt her.’ Then with no change of tone, he asked, ‘Have you made any special plans for tomorrow?’

‘Special plans?’

‘It’s Caitlin’s birthday.’

He watched Caroline catch her breath while she absorbed the shock.

‘I—I didn’t realise... No one mentioned it...’ Seeing his face harden with unaccountable anger, she stammered, ‘W-was that what you wanted to talk to me about?’

‘Amongst other things. But we’ll deal with that first.’

Her stunned mind trying to cope with the possibilities, Caroline suggested, ‘When I take her to playschool tomorrow morning, I’ll talk to the mothers of her special friends and see if I can fix an afternoon party, with a cake and—’

‘That won’t be necessary. Before I went away I arranged a party at McDonalds which includes a cake and a magician and all the trimmings. About a dozen of Caitlin’s friends will be there.’

Feeling as though she’d been slapped, Caroline swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry you didn’t think to mention it sooner... I haven’t even got a birthday present for her.’

‘There’s really no need for you to give her anything.’

‘I’d like to.’

‘Very well. If you want to choose something, have tomorrow morning off. I’ll be home all day.’

‘Thank you,’ she said stiffly. Then, trying to sound as if it didn’t matter, ‘Will you be taking her to the party?’