A Cry In The Night

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Buzz asked. “If you’re not, we can rig something and go down together.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just keep a grip on that rope.” He plucked off his leather gloves and handed them to her. “Use these.”

Kelly put the gloves on, gripped the rope the way he’d taught her all those years ago, then turned to face him. “I’m ready.”

“Trust your equipment, Kel. Feel your way down with your feet. Trust the rope.”

“Okay, okay,” she said impatiently. “Let’s go.”

But for all her bravado and the heady rush of newfound hope, her legs were shaking. When she’d fallen earlier in the day, the fall had seemed endless. Her body remembered every rock and every broken root that had punched her on the way down. Knowing she was about to descend the very same ravine with nothing more than a nylon rope and the vague memory of a previous rappelling experience to back her was unnerving. But the fear of falling was nothing compared to the fear of never seeing her son again. She had to do this.

Wrapping the rope once around her leather-clad knuckles, she backed to the ledge, then stepped down into the ravine. Instantly she realized the darkness was going to make her descent infinitely more difficult. But knowing she didn’t have a choice, she slid her feet inches at a time. First her right foot, then her left. Branches poked at her back and legs as she broke through the brush. Adrenaline spiked through her when her hiking boots slipped on the slick granite. She dangled for an instant before swinging her legs forward then pushing off against the rock face.

By the time she reached the ravine floor, every muscle in her body quivered with exertion.

“You okay?” Buzz shouted down to her.

“Fine.” Stepping out of the harness, she slipped off the gloves and tied them to the harness. “Go ahead and pull the harness back up.”

An instant later, the harness bumped back up the rock face.

Slipping the flashlight from her fanny pack, Kelly flicked it on and shone it down on the ground. Her heart turned over when she saw the barely discernable sneaker print in the dust. Small circles with an arrow pointing toward the toe. Buzz had been right. Eddie had been here. Guilt nipped at her that she’d missed it earlier. If she’d seen it and searched the ravine, she might have been holding him safe in her arms right now.

Needing to be close to him, Kelly dropped to her knees and pressed her fingers into the dust. “Oh, sweetheart. Mommy’s coming for you.” Bowing her head, she whispered a prayer for the good Lord to keep her son safe until she reached him.

She was still kneeling when Buzz slid the last few feet down the ravine wall. “Kel?”

The first tinges of exhaustion pressed into her as she got to her feet. Kelly looked up at him, surprised to see the raw concern in his expression.

“You okay?”

She nodded. “I’m fine. I just need to find him.”

Tugging the radio from his belt, Buzz jerked out the antenna, adjusted the squelch and barked into it, “This is Tango Two Niner, RMSAR Homer One, do you read? Clear.”

“Hey, Tango, this is Dispatch. Any luck?”

“I’ve got tracks, and I’m wondering if Eagle is out and about. Clear.”

“National Weather Service issued a wind advisory. Eagle went back to her nest. Sighting negative. What’s your twenty?”

“I’m three miles from remote camping. East ridge of White Water.”

“It’s oh one hundred, Buzz. Dogs will be there at oh six. Please advise.”

Kelly listened to the exchange. She’d always known that Buzz was the kind of man who would be good at what he did, no matter what it was. He was competitive and driven and a perfectionist to the extreme. But somehow, the breadth and width of what he did—and how good he was at it—hadn’t fully penetrated until now. At that moment, she knew she’d done the right thing by going to him. He was the best of the best. He loved what he did, he chose his team wisely, and she knew if it was the last thing he did, he would find her son.

“Advise Lake and Chaffee counties of our twenty. Let them know we found tracks. We’re going to camp for the night. Over and out.” Buzz switched off the radio and shoved it back into his belt.

Kelly just stood there a moment before realizing she was staring at him and that he was staring back. “I’m not camping,” she said.

“You’re dead on your feet,” he returned evenly.

It was true, but that didn’t mean she was going to admit it. It sure as hell didn’t mean she was going to sleep while her son wandered around lost. But Buzz was the kind of man who took care of things. The kind of man who liked to be in charge, liked to be in control. If he knew she was exhausted, he would make sure she got rest—even if that meant calling the search to a halt until morning. Kelly didn’t intend to let that happen. “I’m not tired,” she said.

“It’s 1:00 a.m.”

“I want to keep looking.”

“We need to find a place to camp for the night. Get a couple of hours of sleep—”

“Dammit, Buzz, I’m not going to stop! We just found his tracks, for Pete’s sake. If we keep going we could find him before morning.”

“If we don’t find him by morning, you’ll be about as much use to me as a broken rope.”

Kelly heard the logic in his words. She wasn’t a fool. She knew she had to pace herself. But the part of her that was a mother first couldn’t bear the thought of stopping to sleep when her little boy was huddled somewhere all alone, cold and hungry and afraid.

Shaking with the need to find him, she walked over to Buzz and met his gaze with an equally powerful one of her own. “Give me one more hour. Please. If we don’t find him, we’ll make camp and get some rest.”

Buzz sighed, his jaw flexing. “I’m going to hold you to it.”

“One hour. That’s all I’m asking.”

He looked past her, toward the small footprints in the dusty earth. “Is that where you came to after the fall?”

She nodded. “He must have come down the ravine to see if I was okay.”

He shone the spotlight over the area. “Let’s see if we can pick up a trail.”

Re-energized now that they had found a tangible clue, Kelly nodded and slipped her flashlight back into her fanny pack to conserve the batteries. She’d only gone a few steps when Buzz’s voice stopped her.

“He went this way.”

Kelly watched his spotlight play over tall grass and sparse trees where the terrain sloped gently. She could see how a young child would think the slope led down the mountain. But the fact of the matter was that the downward incline had taken him in the wrong direction, away from the campground to a higher elevation and some of the most rugged high country in the state.

“You can barely see it, but there’s a path in the grass.” Buzz shone the spotlight over the meadow.

Kelly squinted, trying not to think of how scared he must have been. “He thought the downward slope would take him back to the campground,” she said.

“Smart little kid.”

He takes after his father. The words almost slipped out, but Kelly stopped herself just in time. Now wasn’t the time to tell Buzz how many times Eddie had reminded her of him. She couldn’t talk to this man at all about the child she had chosen to keep a secret. The child he’d never wanted. She had a pretty good idea how Buzz felt about that—angry and betrayed and justifiably so.

When they were married, Buzz had made it clear he didn’t want children. She understood why. Though he’d never revealed the details, she knew about his own childhood. About the abuse he’d suffered at the hands of his father. She also knew about the four years of hell he’d gone through when he’d worked the Child Abuse Division of the Denver PD. He never talked about it, but she knew what those years had done to him. She had been there when he’d wakened in the dead of night, his hands shaking, his body slicked with sweat. In the end, Buzz had made his choice. He’d chosen the job over her, over family, and stuck like glue to his resolve never to bring a child into the world. Kelly hadn’t been able to live with that, and their marriage had slowly fallen apart.

She wondered how he would react when she told him she would be moving to Lake Tahoe next month. She wondered if he’d thought about whether or not he wanted to know his son. She wondered if he would travel to California to see him or settle for a two-week visit during summer vacation. She wondered if he would relinquish a relationship with his son for his own selfish peace of mind.