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e: A Novel
Matt Beaumont

e: A Novel
Matt Beaumont

An unforgettable first novel.Consisting entirely of staff emails, e spends a fortnight in the company of Miller Shanks, an advertising agency that scales dizzying peaks of incompetence. Among the cast are a CEO with an MBA from the Joseph Stalin School of Management, a Creative Director who is a genius, if only in his own head, designers and copywriters driven by breasts, beer or Bach Flower Remedies, and secretaries who drip honey and spit blood.The novel is a tapestry of insincerity, backstabbing and bare-arsed bitchiness: that is to say, everyday office politics. Oh yes, and there is some work to be done too – the quest for advertising’s Eldorado, the Coca-Cola account.e is sleazy, scurrilous and scabrously funny. It also contains a first-class joke about the Pope and sound advice on the maintenance of industrial carpet tiles.


Matt Beaumont

Dedication (#ulink_ce158940-a0ae-53ed-adf4-03d02995c144)

Ave Maria


Cover (#u53df8325-da27-59c9-b7b9-4d87d52a8e2e)

Title Page (#uebfedd14-4fda-5293-848c-b4c0dbe9851b)

Dedication (#ua15282c8-0784-5328-b7af-e031368895c9)

Monday 3 January 2000 (#ue5a6aa41-d4d6-569b-b481-58773de8de5f)

Tuesday 4 January 2000 (#ub7935569-16a5-57fc-b9a1-0017ef1acc6a)

Wednesday 5 January 2000 (#u8af1966a-e403-54e0-8bc4-8b6af8718901)

Thursday 6 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Friday 7 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Sunday 9 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Monday 10 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Tuesday 11 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Wednesday 12 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Thursday 13 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Friday 14 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Saturday 15 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Sunday 16 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Monday 17 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Tuesday 18 January 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Monday 7 February 2000 (#litres_trial_promo)

Read on: Staying Alive (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Author (#litres_trial_promo)

Also by the Author (#litres_trial_promo)

Copyright (#litres_trial_promo)

About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo)

David Crutton – 3/1/00, 8.13am

to… Fiona Craigie


re… your butt

Take that fucking Walkman off, get your arse in here and show me how I do an all-staff e-mail. Every time I click ‘ok’ on the address it copies it to Miller Shanks Helsinki.

David Crutton – 3/1/00, 8.27am

to… All Departments

cc… james_f_weissmuller@millershanks-ny.co.usa


First, a happy new Millennium to each and every one of you. Thank you also for sacrificing your bank holidays today to come in and begin the bid for the Coca-Cola business. As you know, in two weeks we pitch for this most prestigious advertising account. To win it we must all perform out of our skins.

Daunting as it may seem, I know we can scale this peak. Those in doubt should take a look at what we have achieved in the last twelve months. When I joined you at the beginning of ’99 we were in the doldrums and Jim Weissmuller in New York gave me a mountain to climb.

He said ‘make Miller Shanks London big again’. Pitch wins for Freedom Catalogues, the LOVE Channel and the £11m Mako Cars account have catapulted us back into the Campaign top twenty for the first time in eight years.

He said ‘make Miller Shanks respected’. In the Marketing Week survey that asked clients which advertising agency they would most like to work with, we rocketed from 45

to 33


He said ‘win awards’. I brought in Simon Horne to shake up the creative department and to do just that. His efforts are already paying off, with Pinki and Liam’s fabulous ads for Kimbelle Sanpro scooping bronze at Creative Circle.

We can all be extremely proud of our efforts. We are still a long way from the summit, but base camp has been established and the final assault beckons!

Let’s break camp, attach our lines and get off to a flier in 2000 by adding an $84 billion brand to our client list.

Go, go, go!
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