e: A Novel

Pinki Fallon – 3/1/00, 10.39am

to… Simon Horne

cc… David Crutton; Daniel Westbrooke

re… arses in gear

Sorry guys, but can you excuse me from Coke? They represent all that is wrong with the Western capitalist socio-economic model and my yoga teacher would never forgive me. In any case, Liam and I are up to our necks on the Kimbelle Super Dri launch, which should keep us v.v.v. busy for the next couple of weeks. Sorry, etc …

Katie Philpott – 3/1/00, 10.42am

to… James Gregory

cc…

re… HI YOURSELF!

Thanks for the e. Didn’t understand most of it, but guffaw, guffaw anyway! Haven’t the foggiest what I’m supposed to do yet, but if I can help with your Mako meeting – pens, pads, that sort of thing – give me a shout. By the way, what happened to the last trainee? I’ve heard some rumours, but no one will tell. Katie P

Liam O’Keefe – 3/1/00, 10.45am

to… Vince Douglas; Brett Topowlski

cc…

re… NEW MILLENNIUM, OLD BOLLOCKS

There goes another thousand years. How was it for you? I boycotted it – well, the whole fucking thing was a marketing con by the Christians to get us to buy Cliff Richard’s piece of shit. I stayed in with a Tesco korma, Jose Cuervo, my new Sony Vega and a hard-on for Gaby Roslyn – I recommend it if you’re around for the next one. Don’t know if I’ll see you at the Coke briefing. Pinki’s just e’d Horne with another moral stand. Wonder how the sad old git will talk her round this time – watch this space.

James Gregory – 3/1/00, 10.50am

to… Katie Philpott

cc…

re… HI YOURSELF!

The story is that the last trainee spent his first month sitting by the fire escape waiting for a proper desk. He got hypothermia and sued. Don’t worry, things have changed. That’s why they stuck you by the big copier on the 3

– you’ll overheat rather than freeze.

Nigel Godley – 3/1/00, 10.54am

to… All Departments

cc…

re… room to let

Room to let in cosy central Balham flat.

• Near shops, buses and Jet filling station

• Hygena kitchen w/ ceramic hob

• Neighbourhood Watch area

• Non-smoker preferred

• Must like cats

• And gerbils

• £380 PCM

• First to see will move in!

Call x4667 – Nige.

Brett Topowlski – 3/1/00, 10.59am

to… Liam O’Keefe

cc…

re… NEW MILLENNIUM, OLD BOLLOCKS

Unbelievable – the first bank holiday of the year and I’m sitting in the Miller Shanks creative department staring at Vin and trying to come up with a campaign for Freedom Catalogues. Told him we need a visual idea. He’s the art director, so it’s his problem now.

Our Millenniums in brief. Mine’s a total blank – woke up in a skip in Poplar at five am, 1 Jan, but had a spectacular view of the Dome as I leaned over the edge to puke. Vin was in Berlin and was so depraved he can’t bring himself to tell me what he got up to. On the way back he was gutted that the Y2K bug didn’t kick in and make the Airbus drop from sky – figures the adrenaline rush would’ve worked wonders for his hangover.

Don’t bother e-mailing him. He made a New-Year res’ to get computer literate. First thing this morning he got me to fire up his Mac and log him onto Notes. He had 4,735 unread e’s. He freaked and made me switch it off. Hasn’t said a word since. I gave him some Crayolas and a pad and he’s started to recover.

David Crutton – 3/1/00, 11.04am

to… Simon Horne

cc…

re… hippie dipstick

Is there anything the dizzy cow Pinki will work on? She won’t do Embassy Regal for obvious reasons; Army Recruitment because she’s anti-military; Action Man, ditto; Floréal Haircare because they torture kittens. For Christ’s sake, she won’t even work on Everest because they screwed up her mother’s replacement windows. You keep saying she and Liam are the best creative team we’ve got, but have you thought that her delicate political sensibilities might be better suited to a different business? (VSO comes to mind.) Look into it, because if we don’t win Coke and she hasn’t lifted a bloody finger, I’ll have her on the next flight to Somalia.

Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 11.24am

to… David Crutton

cc…