The Rubicon. A play in two acts

Andrey. You are a movie star, I’d wager. An actress? A supermodel?

Polina. I’m not. Who do you think I am?

Andrey. A waitress.

Polina.[Pause]. Well, and what are you up to when you are not busy stealing cutlery?

Andrey. To be perfectly blunt, I am looking for a job.

Polina. And what did you do before?

Andrey. Spent days in an asylum, served time, holed up in various places.

Polina. You were in a loony bin?

Andrey. That’s right.

Polina. After falling across a mean waitress, huh?

Andrey. Kinda. Do you see this foot?

Polina. So?

Andrey. I cut off my big toe with an axe.

Polina. What?! Why would you do that?

Andrey. To dodge the draft. Wanna take a look?

Polina. No way. I have no intention to see your stump. Damn, you really did that?

Andrey. Yep.

Polina. For crying out loud, what a place! It seems that our Rubicon is not really a poky hole of a place, considering its loony visitors.

Andrey. May I take a picture of you?

Polina. Why?

Andrey. It’ll be a proof that angels exist.

Polina. You are a funny guy.

Andrey. Not in the least.

Polina. One of a kind.

Andrey. Not in the least.

Polina. Yes, of course, you are

Andrey. Not in the least.

Polina. [Pause.] Right. Not in the least.

Andrey. What is your name?

Polina. Try to guess.

Andrey. People call me Andrey.

Polina. Well, if they call you, you should probably go.

Andrey. My psychiatrist says that we should accept others as they are.

Polina. Well, alright, the therapy session is over.

Nadya appears from the kitchen and stands behind the bar counter.

Nadya. [To Andrey.] Here’s your change. Your room is on the second floor. We serve breakfast at eight. The bar is open round the clock.

Andrey. Bingo!

Nadya. Polina, escort our guest to his room.

Polina. Welcome to the Rubicon Hotel.

Nadya rings the bell on the counter. Andrey and Polina take the stairs up to the second floor.

Andrey. Polina?

Nadya. And tidy up upstairs!

Makar appears from the second-floor corridor and runs into Polina and Andrey in the stairway.

Makar. Hi. How’s work?

Polina. Great! Hope to be a waitress here for the rest of my life.

Makar. What a bit of good!

Polina. [To Andrey.] Are you married? You have a ring.

Andrey. It’s a gruesome story. When I was a child, I was kidnapped by ornithologists…

Andrey and Poline leave.

Makar. The Moon is as beautiful as ever, outshining the Sun itself!