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Anecdotes. Humor from Russia
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Anecdotes. Humor from Russia
Михаил Курсеев
Сборник содержит лучшие анекдоты, собранные автором за последние три года. Человек, обладающий чувством юмора, эту книгу может сделать настольной, а лучше застольной. Делитесь юмором с друзьями всегда и везде.
Anecdotes
Humor from Russia
Editor Михаил Курсеев
Translator Андрей Мозжухин
© Андрей Мозжухин, translation, 2018
ISBN 978-5-4493-0648-7
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
***
Once a Russian, an American and a Jew met:
The American says:
– Let’s meet at my place, I will arrange for snacks (he is naming a hell of dainty dishes)
The Russian says:
– Well then, I will come with a carton of vodka!
The Jew says:
– And me, I will come with my brother.
***
An Arab is toiling along a desert. Suddenly, he sees a vendor kiosk with a Jew in a serving hatch. The Arab addresses him:
– Have a heart, give me some water.
– I have no water, but I can sell you a red tie.
– Why, the hell, should I have a tie in the desert? You’d better give water!
– I told you, I have n water. Bu there is a restaurant in a mile. My brother is its owner. Go there, he will give you water.
In an hour the Arab crept back with his tongue hanging out.
– OK, man, sell me your fucking tie.
– What’s the matter?
– Your brother didn’t let me in without a tie!
***
Making a visit with:
American: with self-esteem and dignity.
Russian: with a bottle of vodka.
French: with an inamorata.
Jew: with the wife and a cake.
Returning from guests:
American: with self-esteem and dignity
Russian: with ta black eye.
French: with the host’s wife
Jew: with the wife and a cake.
What do they think of on return:
American “Did I lose my self-esteem?”
Russian: “Will Svetka let me in or kick me off?”
French: “There is still a daughter”
Jew: “There are still oranges”
***
– Tanechka, it seems to me that I am pregnant.
– And what are the signs?
– I am sick of work and I really want to be by a salty sea.
***
A mother of a second-former calls her friend. Her son is also a second-former.
– Have you done your sons math homework?
Михаил Курсеев
Сборник содержит лучшие анекдоты, собранные автором за последние три года. Человек, обладающий чувством юмора, эту книгу может сделать настольной, а лучше застольной. Делитесь юмором с друзьями всегда и везде.
Anecdotes
Humor from Russia
Editor Михаил Курсеев
Translator Андрей Мозжухин
© Андрей Мозжухин, translation, 2018
ISBN 978-5-4493-0648-7
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
***
Once a Russian, an American and a Jew met:
The American says:
– Let’s meet at my place, I will arrange for snacks (he is naming a hell of dainty dishes)
The Russian says:
– Well then, I will come with a carton of vodka!
The Jew says:
– And me, I will come with my brother.
***
An Arab is toiling along a desert. Suddenly, he sees a vendor kiosk with a Jew in a serving hatch. The Arab addresses him:
– Have a heart, give me some water.
– I have no water, but I can sell you a red tie.
– Why, the hell, should I have a tie in the desert? You’d better give water!
– I told you, I have n water. Bu there is a restaurant in a mile. My brother is its owner. Go there, he will give you water.
In an hour the Arab crept back with his tongue hanging out.
– OK, man, sell me your fucking tie.
– What’s the matter?
– Your brother didn’t let me in without a tie!
***
Making a visit with:
American: with self-esteem and dignity.
Russian: with a bottle of vodka.
French: with an inamorata.
Jew: with the wife and a cake.
Returning from guests:
American: with self-esteem and dignity
Russian: with ta black eye.
French: with the host’s wife
Jew: with the wife and a cake.
What do they think of on return:
American “Did I lose my self-esteem?”
Russian: “Will Svetka let me in or kick me off?”
French: “There is still a daughter”
Jew: “There are still oranges”
***
– Tanechka, it seems to me that I am pregnant.
– And what are the signs?
– I am sick of work and I really want to be by a salty sea.
***
A mother of a second-former calls her friend. Her son is also a second-former.
– Have you done your sons math homework?