The Doldrums

T A P E E N D

Archer sat quietly, staring at the machine. He heard something familiar in his grandfather’s voice. But perhaps that only made sense. He was a Helmsley after all, like Archer’s father and Archer himself. And whatever it was about that voice, it sounded wonderful. Both did.

Archer leaned back in the chair.

If they could survive a plane crash in the desert, he thought, would an iceberg be so bad? Maybe the Eye Patch was right.

As Archer ejected the tape and stood up to leave, he spotted a wooden box beneath the table. He ran his fingers through the dust and discovered the initials R.B.H. Those were his father’s initials. It can’t be the same box. But sure enough, he lifted the lid and found that it was filled with books. He sat down again, wiped the spines clean, and opened a book titled The Wind in the Willows. It was very good. It reminded him of his house.

Archer carried the box upstairs to his room where he moved on to Gulliver’s Travels, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Treasure Island, and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

It took Archer only a few days to read all of these books, and his mother left him alone as he did, glad to see he was doing something sensible. Of course, she might have thought otherwise had she bothered looking at the titles.

When he finished Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Archer set it down and slid off his bed. A door at one end of his room gave way to a balcony and he stepped outside.

♦ ARCHER’S DECISION ♦

There was a secret world behind the houses on Willow Street. Trees sprouted from the ground, and each house had a walled-in garden and a balcony on the top floor overlooking it. From here, Archer often spied on the neighbors. He leaned against the railing and looked down into the gardens.

A wonderland, he was thinking. I need to find a rabbit’s hole.

But the only holes in the city were sewer holes, and he couldn’t imagine there was much of a wonderland down there.

Still, as he stood there, quietly staring across the gardens, Archer made a decision. He decided he wasn’t going to sit around anymore. He was going to figure out a way to escape that tall, skinny house on Willow Street and find an adventure of his own. He had to. After all, Archer was a Helmsley, and being a Helmsley meant something. Archer knew what it meant. It meant he had to do something great—something worthy of the Helmsley Golden Age—something that could even restore the Helmsley Golden Age. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he couldn’t let the Helmsleys be reduced to stamp lickers. What would his grandparents say if they knew that? No, he was going to find an adventure that would make them proud. And because his grandparents couldn’t help him, he would find someone who could.

Little did he know that the very boy he would ask lived just next door. That boy’s name was Oliver J. Glub, and at that very moment, Oliver was sitting on his balcony trying to see how many blueberries he could stuff into his mouth. Archer watched closely, guessing Oliver could fit at least twenty, but after number thirteen, he was beginning to have his doubts.

“You’re going to explode,” called Archer.

Oliver swallowed hard. “That’s impossible,” he replied.

Despite being neighbors and attending the same school, these were the first words they had ever exchanged.

♦ JUST A GLUB ♦

Archer and Oliver attended the Willow Academy, a school four blocks away, across from Rosewood Park. A long time ago, the Willow Academy had been a Button Factory (and the students still called it that). But after a number of renovations and a fresh coat of paint, it now looked something like a school. Still, great smoke towers loomed high above the roof and Archer sometimes stumbled upon a button, which he added to his collection. It was here, at the Button Factory, that Archer had his second encounter with Oliver.

Oliver was a quiet boy and kept mostly to himself. But if you’re a quiet boy and keep mostly to yourself, others will often speak for you.

“He’s got a few too many, you know, cracks in his nut,” said Charlie H. Brimble.

“He is a nut,” said Molly S. Mellings. “And I hope a squirrel takes him away.”

“That would never happen,” said Alice P. Suggins. “He’s one nut no squirrel would want.”

It was widely whispered that Oliver was some love child of disaster and tragedy. Perhaps that was true. But Oliver was also unique. And Archer realized this the moment they collided.

“I’m really sorry about that,” said Oliver, helping Archer up off the grass. “I didn’t see you there.”

“I’m not surprised,” said Archer. “Do you always run with your eyes closed?”

“Only when I’m late,” said Oliver. “When I close my eyes, it feels like I’m running faster.”

Archer smiled. He’d never thought about that before.

Although Archer knew very little about Oliver, Oliver knew a great deal about him. Oliver wasn’t the only one. Many of the Button Factory students knew a great deal about Archer and his peculiar family.

“They’re all crazy,” said Alice P. Suggins. “His grandparents are frozen to the side of an iceberg.”

“I thought they were eaten by penguins,” said Molly S. Mellings. “I know he has penguins inside his house.”

“Not just penguins,” said Charlie H. Brimble. “There are many strange creatures in Helmsley House—even an Archer.”

Archer and Oliver stood in the Button Factory courtyard, next to the crumbling fountain, staring at each other as they had done from their balconies many times. Oliver was a hair taller than Archer (but only because his hair didn’t sit flat). He apologized once more and was about to leave, but Archer stuck out his hand.

“My name is Archer Helmsley,” he said.

Oliver shook it. “I’m just a Glub,” he replied. “My name is Oliver.”

“Do you know what a sidekick is?” Archer asked.

Oliver flinched. “Please don’t,” he said.

After class, Oliver sat on a well-worn couch in the student room listening to Archer recount the story of his grandparents. Oliver pretended this was all news to him, but Oliver knew the story better than most. And while he had no interest in having an adventure or anything of the sort, he was interested in having a friend, so he agreed to help Archer find his adventure if he could.

Besides, he reasoned. Archer isn’t allowed to leave his house. What could possibly happen?

CHAPTER (#ulink_87d5708a-9041-58d3-88e1-69d3c6462062)

THREE (#ulink_87d5708a-9041-58d3-88e1-69d3c6462062)

♦ ARCHER THE SUBMERSIBLE (#ulink_87d5708a-9041-58d3-88e1-69d3c6462062) ♦

It was the last day of school, but you wouldn’t know that from the weather. The rain tapped against the Button Factory windows all afternoon. In a few classrooms, water even dripped from the ceiling and into buckets.

MEMBER OF THE ROSEWOOD PUBLIC LIBRARY

WILLOW ACADEMY LIBRARY

• BOOK REQUEST CARD •

REQUEST NO. 37953

Miss Whitewood,

Can you please find a few books on the deep sea? I’ve already read Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea.

Archer Helmsley