Cousin Pons

“Hush! you vill kill him!” cried Schmucke.

“Good-bye, sir,” said La Cibot, with a withering look at Pons. “You may keep well for all the harm I wish you. When you can speak to me pleasantly, when you can believe that what I do is done for the best, I will come back again. Till then I shall stay in my own room. You were like my own child to me; did anybody ever see a child revolt against its mother?.. No, no, M. Schmucke, I do not want to hear more. I will bring you your dinner and wait upon you, but you must take a nurse. Ask M. Poulain about it.”

And she went out, slamming the door after her so violently that the precious, fragile objects in the room trembled. To Pons in his torture, the rattle of china was like the final blow dealt by the executioner to a victim broken on the wheel.

An hour later La Cibot called to Schmucke through the door, telling him that his dinner was waiting for him in the dining-room. She would not cross the threshold. Poor Schmucke went out to her with a haggard, tear-stained face.

“Mein boor Bons in vandering,” said he; “he says dat you are ein pad voman. It ees his illness,” he added hastily, to soften La Cibot and excuse his friend.

“Oh, I have had enough of his illness! Look here, he is neither father, nor husband, nor brother, nor child of mine. He has taken a dislike to me; well and good, that is enough! As for you, you see, I would follow you to the end of the world; but when a woman gives her life, her heart, and all her savings, and neglects her husband (for here has Cibot fallen ill), and then hears that she is a bad woman – it is coming it rather too strong, it is.”

“Too shtrong?”

“Too strong, yes. Never mind idle words. Let us come to the facts. As to that, you owe me for three months at a hundred and ninety francs – that is five hundred seventy francs; then there is the rent that I have paid twice (here are the receipts), six hundred more, including rates and the sou in the franc for the porter – something under twelve hundred francs altogether, and with the two thousand francs besides – without interest, mind you – the total amounts to three thousand one hundred and ninety-two francs. And remember that you will want at least two thousand francs before long for the doctor, and the nurse, and the medicine, and the nurse’s board. That was why I borrowed a thousand francs of M. Pillerault,” and with that she held up Gaudissart’s bank-note.

It may readily be conceived that Schmucke listened to this reckoning with amazement, for he knew about as much of business as a cat knows of music.

“Montame Zipod,” he expostulated, “Bons haf lost his head. Bardon him, and nurse him as before, und pe our profidence; I peg it of you on mine knees,” and he knelt before La Cibot and kissed the tormentor’s hands.

La Cibot raised Schmucke and kissed him on the forehead. “Listen, my lamb,” said she, “here is Cibot ill in bed; I have just sent for Dr. Poulain. So I ought to set my affairs in order. And what is more, Cibot saw me crying, and flew into such a passion that he will not have me set foot in here again. It is he who wants the money; it is his, you see. We women can do nothing when it comes to that. But if you let him have his money back again – the three thousand two hundred francs – he will be quiet perhaps. Poor man, it is his all, earned by the sweat of his brow, the savings of twenty-six years of life together. He must have his money to-morrow; there is no getting round him. – You do not know Cibot; when he is angry he would kill a man. Well, I might perhaps get leave of him to look after you both as before. Be easy. I will just let him say anything that comes into his head. I will bear it all for love of you, an angel as you are.”

“No, I am ein boor man, dot lof his friend and vould gif his life to save him – ”

“But the money?” broke in La Cibot. “My good M. Schmucke, let us suppose that you pay me nothing; you will want three thousand francs, and where are they to come from? Upon my word, do you know what I should do in your place? I should not think twice, I should just sell seven or eight good-for-nothing pictures and put up some of those instead that are standing in your closet with their faces to the wall for want of room. One picture or another, what difference does it make?”

“Und vy?”

“He is so cunning. It is his illness, for he is a lamb when he is well. He is capable of getting up and prying about; and if by any chance he went into the salon, he is so weak that he could not go beyond the door; he would see that they are all still there.”

“Drue!”

“And when he is quite well, we will tell him about the sale. And if you wish to confess, throw it all upon me, say that you were obliged to pay me. Come! I have a broad back – ”

“I cannot tispose of dings dot are not mine,” the good German answered simply.

“Very well. I will summons you, you and M. Pons.”

“It vould kill him – ”

“Take your choice! Dear me, sell the pictures and tell him about it afterwards… you can show him the summons – ”

“Ver’ goot. Summons us. Dot shall pe mine egscuse. I shall show him der chudgment.”

Mme. Cibot went down to the court, and that very day at seven o’clock she called to Schmucke. Schmucke found himself confronted with M. Tabareau the bailiff, who called upon him to pay. Schmucke made answer, trembling from head to foot, and was forthwith summoned together with Pons, to appear in the county court to hear judgment against him. The sight of the bailiff and a bit of stamped paper covered with scrawls produced such an effect upon Schmucke, that he held out no longer.

“Sell die bictures,” he said, with tears in his eyes.

Next morning, at six o’clock, Elie Magus and Remonencq took down the paintings of their choice. Two receipts for two thousand five hundred francs were made out in correct form: —

“I, the undersigned, representing M. Pons, acknowledge the receipt of two thousand five hundred francs from M. Elie Magus for the four pictures sold to him, the said sum being appropriated to the use of M. Pons. The first picture, attributed to Durer, is a portrait of a woman; the second, likewise a portrait, is of the Italian School; the third, a Dutch landscape by Breughel; and the fourth, a Holy Family by an unknown master of the Florentine School.”

Remonencq’s receipt was worded in precisely the same way; a Greuze, a Claude Lorraine, a Rubens, and a Van Dyck being disguised as pictures of the French and Flemish schools.

“Der monny makes me beleef dot the chimcracks haf som value,” said Schmucke when the five thousand francs were paid over.

“They are worth something,” said Remonencq. “I would willingly give you a hundred thousand francs for the lot.”

Remonencq, asked to do a trifling service, hung eight pictures of the proper size in the same frames, taking them from among the less valuable pictures in Schmucke’s bedroom.

No sooner was Elie Magus in possession of the four great pictures than he went, taking La Cibot with him, under pretence of settling accounts. But he pleaded poverty, he found fault with the pictures, they needed rebacking, he offered La Cibot thirty thousand francs by way of commission, and finally dazzled her with the sheets of paper on which the Bank of France engraves the words “One thousand francs” in capital letters. Magus thereupon condemned Remonencq to pay the like sum to La Cibot, by lending him the money on the security of his four pictures, which he took with him as a guarantee. So glorious were they, that Magus could not bring himself to part with them, and next day he bought them of Remonencq for six thousand francs over and above the original price, and an invoice was duly made out for the four. Mme. Cibot, the richer by sixty-eight thousand francs, once more swore her two accomplices to absolute secrecy. Then she asked the Jew’s advice. She wanted to invest the money in such a way that no one should know of it.

“Buy shares in the Orleans Railway,” said he; “they are thirty francs below par, you will double your capital in three years. They will give you scraps of paper, which you keep safe in a portfolio.”

“Stay here, M. Magus. I will go and fetch the man of business who acts for M. Pons’ family. He wants to know how much you will give him for the whole bag of tricks upstairs. I will go for him now.”

“If only she were a widow!” said Remonencq when she was gone. “She would just suit me; she will have plenty of money now – ”

“Especially if she puts her money into the Orleans Railway; she will double her capital in two years’ time. I have put all my poor little savings into it,” added the Jew, “for my daughter’s portion. – Come, let us take a turn on the boulevard until this lawyer arrives.”

“Cibot is very bad as it is,” continued Remonencq; “if it should please God to take him to Himself, I should have a famous wife to keep a shop; I could set up on a large scale – ”

“Good-day, M. Fraisier,” La Cibot began in an ingratiating tone as she entered her legal adviser’s office. “Why, what is this that your porter has been telling me? are you going to move?”

“Yes, my dear Mme. Cibot. I am taking the first floor above Dr. Poulain, and trying to borrow two or three thousand francs so as to furnish the place properly; it is very nice, upon my word, the landlord has just papered and painted it. I am acting, as I told you, in President de Marville’s interests and yours… I am not a solicitor now; I mean to have my name entered on the roll of barristers, and I must be well lodged. A barrister in Paris cannot have his name on the rolls unless he has decent furniture and books and the like. I am a doctor of law, I have kept my terms, and have powerful interest already… Well, how are we getting on?”

“Perhaps you would accept my savings,” said La Cibot. “I have put them in a savings bank. I have not much, only three thousand francs, the fruits of twenty-five years of stinting and scraping. You might give me a bill of exchange, as Remonencq says; for I am ignorant myself, I only know what they tell me.”

“No. It is against the rules of the guild for a barrister (avocat) to put his name to a bill. I will give you a receipt, bearing interest at five per cent per annum, on the understanding that if I make an income of twelve hundred francs for you out of old Pons’ estate you will cancel it.”

La Cibot, caught in the trap, uttered not a word.

“Silence gives consent,” Fraisier continued. “Let me have it to-morrow morning.”

“Oh! I am quite willing to pay fees in advance,” said La Cibot; “it is one way of making sure of my money.”

Fraisier nodded. “How are you getting on?” he repeated. “I saw Poulain yesterday; you are hurrying your invalid along, it seems… One more scene such as yesterday’s, and gall-stones will form. Be gentle with him, my dear Mme. Cibot, do not lay up remorse for yourself. Life is not too long.”

“Just let me alone with your remorse! Are you going to talk about the guillotine again? M. Pons is a contrairy old thing. You don’t know him. It is he that bothers me. There is not a more cross-grained man alive; his relations are in the right of it, he is sly, revengeful, and contrairy… M. Magus has come, as I told you, and is waiting to see you.”

“Right! I will be there as soon as you. Your income depends upon the price the collection will fetch. If it brings in eight hundred thousand francs, you shall have fifteen hundred francs a year. It is a fortune.”

“Very well. I will tell them to value the things on their consciences.”

An hour later, Pons was fast asleep. The doctor had ordered a soothing draught, which Schmucke administered, all unconscious that La Cibot had doubled the dose. Fraisier, Remonencq, and Magus, three gallows-birds, were examining the seventeen hundred different objects which formed the old musician’s collection one by one.

Schmucke had gone to bed. The three kites, drawn by the scent of a corpse, were masters of the field.

“Make no noise,” said La Cibot whenever Magus went into ecstasies or explained the value of some work of art to Remonencq. The dying man slept on in the neighboring room, while greed in four different forms appraised the treasures that he must leave behind, and waited impatiently for him to die – a sight to wring the heart.