‘What?’
‘You don’t think she was involved in that scandal last year?’
‘What scandal?’
‘You know perfectly well what scandal.’
‘Sally, I know how much that incident upset you. It upset us all but you mustn’t go seeking scapegoats. Barbara’s merely a woman who was attracted to the town by its subsequent reputation and should not be implicated.’
Then Sally realized; ‘That’s why you hired me.’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘You’re hoping I’ll kill someone!!’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘You don’t think I can do the job!!! You’re hoping I’ll accidentally kill someone. Then you can sack me without paying compensation.’
‘I may be planning to close the park at a similar time to the restaurant, yes.’
‘I don’t believe this!’
‘Never mind that.’
‘Never mind that!?! You don’t want to pay your own niece compensation!?!’
‘Well perhaps I’d want to pay her compensation if she hadn’t been such a let down.’
‘And what does that mean?’
‘You know.’
‘No, Uncle Al, I don’t.’
‘You want me to spell it out for you?’
‘Why don’t you?’
‘C-H-I-E-F C-H-I-R-P-A.’
‘Uncle Al, I won’t apologize for not having grown up to be king of the Ewoks.’
‘Some girls would.’
‘No girls would.’
‘Miss Go-La-Go-Go would.’
‘She probably thinks she is king of the Ewoks.’
‘And you could be, if you’d only meet those genetic scientists I told you about.’
‘What kind of man adopts his niece in the hope she’ll grow up to be a warrior teddy bear?’
‘Chief Chirpa of the Ewoks happened to be the cutest character in all science fiction. Some girls would be proud to be him/her/it.’
‘You don’t even know what sex it was.’
‘Sex isn’t a factor in the magical world of George Lucas.’
‘Do you know how sad you are?’ she said.
‘Do you know how disappointing you are?’
‘Shut up! she said.
‘Getting back to the point,’ he said.
‘Which is?’
‘The reason I wanted to know just who you were was because you might be Sally Dunstable pretending to be you.’
‘And why would this Sally Dunstable want to be me?’
‘To get her hands on what you’ve got.’
‘What’ve I got? And if you say the love of a good uncle–’
‘News.’
‘What news?’
‘The kind that’ll make you think God loves dull people.’
‘I’m not dull.’
‘Don’t be silly.’
‘I have a busy and active social life.’
‘Nonsense.’
‘I have friends.’
‘Piffle.’
‘I have fun.’