In the Darkroom

In the Darkroom
Susan Faludi

A NEW YORK TIMES BOOK OF THE YEARWINNER OF THE KIRKUS PRIZESHORTLISTED FOR THE PULITZER PRIZE 2017From the Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and best-selling author of ‘Backlash’, an astonishing confrontation with the enigma of her father and the larger riddle of identity.In 2004 feminist writer Susan Faludi set out to investigate someone she scarcely knew: her estranged father. Steven Faludi had lived many roles: suburban dad, Alpine mountaineer, swashbuckling adventurer in the Amazon, Jewish fugitive in Holocaust Budapest. Living in Hungary after sex reassignment surgery and identifying as ‘a complete woman now,’ how was this new parent connected to the silent and ultimately violent father who had built his career on the alteration of images?Faludi’s struggle to come to grips with her father's metamorphosis takes her across borders – historical, political, religious, sexual – and brings her face to face with the question of the age: is identity something you "choose" or is it the very thing you cannot escape?

Copyright (#ulink_95a7fdcc-0e94-5a69-b46f-069b5d93ad4c)

William Collins

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

www.WilliamCollinsBooks.com (http://www.WilliamCollinsBooks.com)

First published in Great Britain by William Collins in 2016

This eBook edition published in Great Britain by William Collins in 2017

Copyright © 2016, 2017 by Susan Faludi

Susan Faludi asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

This is a work of nonfiction. The names and identifying characteristics of three individuals have been changed to protect their privacy.

‘I Am Easily Assimilated’ from Candide by Leonard Bernstein. Lyrics by Leonard Bernstein. Copyright © 1994 by Amberson Holdings LLC. Copyright renewed, Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company, publisher. International copyright secured. Reprinted by permission.

Excerpt from ‘Red Riding Hood’ from Transformations by Anne Sexton. Copyright © 1971 by Anne Sexton, renewed 1999 by Linda G. Sexton. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Excerpt from ‘Optimistic Voices (You’re Out of the Woods)’ from The Wizard of Oz. Lyrics by E. Y. Harburg. Music by Harold Arlen and Herbert Strothart. Copyright © 1938 by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc., renewed 1939 by EMI Feist Catalog Inc. Rights throughout the world controlled by EMI Feist Catalog Inc. (publishing) and Alfred Music (print). Used by permission of Alfred Music. All rights reserved.

All photographs courtesy of the author, except for the following: here (#litres_trial_promo), Einar Wegener/Lili Elbe by Wellcome Library, London; here (#litres_trial_promo), Christine Jorgensen by Art Edger/NY Daily News Archive/Getty Images; here (#litres_trial_promo), Melanie’s Cocoon by Mel Myers; here (#litres_trial_promo), Class of ’45 photograph courtesy of Otto and Margaret Szekely; here (#litres_trial_promo), Parasite Press photograph courtesy of Judit Mészáros, the original in Budapest Collection of Szabó Ervin Central Library; here (#litres_trial_promo), Ford convertible by Marilyn Faludi; here (#litres_trial_promo), Magyar Garda rally by European Pressphoto Agency/Tamas Kovacs

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins

Source ISBN: 9780008194475

Ebook Edition © July 2017 ISBN: 9780008193515

Version: 2017-06-24

Additional Praise for In the Darkroom: (#ulink_3f1d42cc-a2cd-56f1-9a28-2aed899dcbeb)

A SUNDAY TIMES BOOK OF THE YEAR 2016

‘Faludi’s remarkable, moving and courageous book is extremely fair-minded’

Guardian

‘In the Darkroom reads like a mystery thriller yet packs the emotional punch of a carefully crafted memoir. Susan Faludi’s investigation into her father’s life reveals, with humour and poignancy, the central paradox of being someone’s child. However close, our parents will always be, perhaps by nature of the role, fundamentally enigmatic to us’

AMANDA FOREMAN

‘Faludi weaves together these strands of her father’s identity – Jewishness, nationality, gender – with energy, wit and nuance … Faludi has paid her late father a fine tribute by bringing her to life in such a compelling, truthful story’

New Statesman

‘[A] mighty new book … a searching investigation of identity barely disguised as a sometimes funny and sometimes very painful family saga … reticent, elegant and extremely clever’

Observer

‘A fascinating chronicle of a decade trying to understand a parent who had always been inscrutable’

Economist

‘Compelling’

Sunday Times

Well-written … touching … compelling’

The Times

‘An astonishing, unique book that should be essential reading for anyone wanting to explore transsexuality’s place in contemporary culture’

Irish Independent

‘In the Darkroom is a unique, deeply affecting and beautifully written book, full of warmth, intelligence and humour’

Saturday Paper

Dedication (#ulink_5094d0db-12e4-5d1c-b37b-97840f4bd52c)

For the Grünbergers of Spišské Podhradie and the Friedmans of Košice, and their children and their children’s children, the family I found, and who found me

Epigraph (#ulink_c9593004-edbe-5807-8c7c-5beb78203e40)

He thought about how he had been despised and scorned, and he heard everybody saying now that he was the most beautiful of all the beautiful birds. And the lilacs bowed their branches toward him, right down into the water. The sun shone so warm and so bright. Then he ruffled his feathers, raised his slender neck, and rejoiced from the depths of his heart. “I never dreamed of such happiness when I was an ugly duckling!”

Hans Christian Andersen, “The Ugly Duckling”

The identifying of ourselves with the visual image of ourselves has become an instinct; the habit is already old. The picture of me, the me that is seen, is me.

D. H. Lawrence, “Art and Morality”

Long ago

there was a strange deception:

a wolf dressed in frills,