Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas

Oh, isn't it jolly! we've each a new dolly,
And one is a Soldier, the other's a Tar;
We're fully contented with what's been presented,
Such good little children we both of us are!

[They dance up to a cupboard, from which they bring out two large Dolls, which they place on chairs.

Miss J.Don't they look nice! Come, Polly, let us strive
To make ourselves believe that they're alive!
Miss P. (addressing Sailor D.). I'm glad you're mine. I dote on all that's nautical.
The Sailor D. (opening his eyes suddenly). Excuse me, Miss, your sister's more my sort o' gal.

[Kisses his hand to Miss J., who shrinks back, shocked and alarmed.

Miss J. Oh, Polly,did you hear? I feel so shy!

The Sailor D. (with mild self-assertion). I can say "Pa" and "Ma" – and wink my eye.

[Does so at Miss P., who runs in terror to Miss J.'s side

Miss J. Why, both are showing signs of animation.
Miss P. Who'd think we had such strong imagination!
The Soldier Doll (aside to the Sailor D.). I say, old fellow, we have caught their fancy —
In each of us they now a real man see!
Let's keep it up!
The Sailor D. (dubiously.) D'ye think as we can do it?
The Soldier D. You stick by me, and I will see you through it.
Sit up, and turn your toes out, – don't you loll;
Put on the Man, and drop the bloomin' Doll!

[The Sailor Dollpulls himself together, and rises from chair importantly.

The Sailor D. (in the manner of a Music-hall Chairman) —
Ladies, with your kind leave, this gallant gent
Will now his military sketch present.

[Miss J. and P. applaud: the Soldier D., after feebly expostulating, is induced to sing.

Song, by the Soldier Doll

When I used to be displayed,
In the Burlington Arcade,
With artillery arrayed
Underneath.
Shoulder Hump

I imagine that I made
All the Lady Dolls afraid,
I should draw my battle-blade
From its sheath,
Shoulder Hump

For I'm Mars's gallant son,
And my back I've shown to none,
Nor was ever seen to run
From the strife!
Shoulder Hump!

Oh, the battles I'd have won,
And the dashing deeds have done,
If I'd ever fired a gun
In my life!
Shoulder Hump!

Refrain (to be sung marching round Stage)

By your right flank, Wheel!
Let the front rank kneel!
With the bristle of the steel
To the foe.
Till their regiments reel,
At our rattling peal,
And the military zeal
We show!

[Repeat, with the whole company marching round after him

The Soldier Doll. My friend will next oblige – this jolly Jack Tar.
Will give his song and chorus in charàck-tar!

    [Same business with Sailor D.

Song, by the Sailor Doll

In costume I'm
So maritime,
You'd never suppose the fact is,
That with the Fleet
In Regent Street,
I'd precious little naval practice!
There was saucy craft,
Rigged fore an' aft,
Inside o' Mr. Cre-mer's.
From Noah's Arks to Clipper-built barques,
Like-wise mechanical stea-mers.

Chorus

But to navigate the Serpentine,