A Mysterious Disappearance

Charles. But where is she?

Bobstay. In chase of another craft, my boy. Close-reefed, to overhaul a young spark, with a view to engage him. Shall I destroy his happiness? That’s a p’int. Shall I appear like a spectre and forbid the banns? That’s another p’int. No, my boy. I’ll set … down here; keep under water till she’s fairly hooked.

Charles. But suppose Spanker should turn up?

Bobstay. That’s a p’int we can’t argue. Mum’s the word. I’m a spirit. Bobstay’s gone up. Keep dark. Not a word to your wife now.

Charles. But Jenny don’t know you are here!

Bobstay. No? I’ll hide in the barn – in the pigsty – anywhere until the widow’s hooked.

(Enter Carlos, C. from L.)

Carlos. Say, Mr. Cleverly, here’s a woman wants to see you. [Exit C. to R.

Bobstay. A woman? Then I’ll get under hatches (runs to table R.C. and puts on wig and whiskers). That used to be my state-room. I’ll look it over. Mind, Charley, mum’s the word. I’m a spirit; mysteriously disappeared. You understand? [Exit door R.

Charles. But I say, captain! – He’s pitched into Nelly’s room. No matter. I’ll have him out as soon as I’ve finished with my visitor. Who can she be?

(Enter C., Miss Persis Grievous, tragically.)

Persis, C. You are Mr. Charles Cleverly?

Charles. At your service, madam.

Persis. Monster! Traitor! Arch conspirator!

Charles. Madam!

Persis. You are the friend of Dixon Dolby. My Dixie. You have enticed him from my loving presence; from me, the woman who adores him; for what?

Charles. A day’s sport, he says.

Persis. Sport! You are like the wicked boy, and I the innocent frog. What’s sport to you is death to me. Last night he told me of his proposed visit. This morning I found in his room beneath his pillow – for we both lodge beneath the same roof; and I, in his absence, enter his sanctum as a privileged guest of that dear and worthy Mrs. Sprygs, who lets rooms at five dollars per week, lights included —

Charles (aside). For particulars, see small bills.

Persis.– Beneath the pillow, which his ambrosial locks had pressed, I found this note, and this picture (shows photograph). Do you recognize it?

Charles (looks at photograph). Good heavens! My wife!

Persis. Your wife? Then you, like me, are a victim. I blush for my anger. Let us in each other’s arms mingle our tears (approaching Charles with arms extended).

Charles (backing to R.). Not just yet. Explain this, and at once.

Persis. Does it need explanation? Here is the picture, and here the note signed Rosa Bean. A clandestine correspondence. I see it all, at once. Under the pretext of a day’s sport, he comes here to make love to your wife.

Charles. The confounded scoundrel!

Persis. Speak gently of the erring. I love him. Yes, spite his faults, I love him still. I am here to save him – to save you. I am a succoring angel.

Charles. Give me that note (takes note). Not my wife’s handwriting; evidently disguised. O, Jenny, Jenny, have I lost-you?

Persis. O, Dixie, Dixie, have I lost you?

Dolby (outside). Hallo! Charley, old boy, where are you?

Persis. His voice. How it thr-r-r-ills me! But he must not see me here. Where can I hide? (Goes to door L.) In this room? Get him away, and I will return. Then we can make plans to circumvent them.

[Exit door L.

Charles. But, madam, that’s my wife’s room. She’s gone. Can I be awake? My Jenny corresponding with my friend! And he in love? O, it’s absurd!

(Dolby appears at door with a fishing-rod in case, a gun, and a scoop-net with handle, clumsily held in his arms; a game-bag swung one side, and a fishing-basket the other.)

Dolby. Ah, there you are, Charley. And here I am, armed and equipped as the law directs. (Attempts to enter; gun gets across the doorway. Backs and tries again; net gets across the doorway. Business repeated.) Well, well, this is getting interesting (enters). Ah! here we are (drops everything on floor, and runs to Charles, hands extended). How are you, old fellow? Alive and kicking? Domestic bliss and rural felicity? Happy chap!

Charles (shakes hands). Glad to see you, Dixie. Welcome.

Dolby. That’s hearty. Where’s your wife? Must see her, you know. I came to enjoy the beauties of the country, and you’ve the brightest and loveliest. I know you know – of course you know.

Charles (aside). He knows, confound him! (Aloud) She’s out just now. You shall see her.

Dolby. Now let’s see – what shall we do first? There’s fishing, hunting, and making love to a pretty girl. I’ve only a day, and we must crowd lots of fun into ten hours.

Charles. Well, what say you to lunch first?

Dolby. Nothing for me, save a glass of warm milk from the hands of a dairymaid. I’ve come down here to breathe the country air. Stop a moment. I forgot that (runs up to door C. and stands breathing hard, and striking his breast). Ah, that’s the sort; the invigorating air of the country. Ah! (with a long breath) there’s the first dose.

(Enter Nelly, R. Dolby comes down L.)

Charles. And here’s the dairymaid. My sister, Dixie. Mr. Dixon Dolby, Nelly.

Dolby. Ah, delightful (bows). What a pretty girl! What cheeks! What a shape!

Nelly. Your first visit to the country, Mr. Dolby?

Dolby. I’m ashamed to say it is, Miss Nelly. But it’s delightful; such a quantity of trees and grass; houses not quite so plenty.

Charles. Mr. Dolby would like a glass of milk.

Dolby. Yes, thank you; cow’s milk, if the cows are at leisure.

Nelly. O, quite. I’ll bring it at once. [Exit R.

Dolby. Charley, my boy, your sister’s a perfect beauty.

Charles. Sit down, Dolby (Dolby brings chair up to table L. Charles brings one down from back; they sit R. and L.) I had hopes that you would come down here heart-whole; but I learn that you are already engaged in a love affair.