A Mysterious Disappearance

Nelly. Charley, what do you want in my room?

Charles. O, nothing – that is – I was looking for you.

Nelly. And having found me —

Charles. I want you to advise me. Read that. (Gives note.)

Nelly (aside). Nobody can do it better than I (reads). Well, Charley?

Charles. Well, Charley. No, ill Charley; a decidedly badly-used Charley. Do you know that photograph?

Nelly. It’s our Jenny.

Charles. Our Jenny! And it’s sent to my friend Dolby. I’ll murder him!

Nelly. Now, Charley, don’t be jealous. I’ve no doubt Jenny will explain matters to your entire satisfaction. (Persis knocks at door L.) Ah, who’s that?

Charles (moving to door L.). It’s the cat. Scat, pussy, pussy, pussy!

Nelly, R. (changes photograph in note for another). I’ll see if we cannot put a new face upon the matter. (Aloud) Here’s your note, Charley. Don’t be jealous; it doesn’t look well in a man at all. [Exit R.

Charles. Now to let the captain out. (Goes to door R.; raps). I say, captain – coast clear!

(Enter Bobstay, with a calico skirt pinned about his waist, a red shawl over his shoulders, and a straw bonnet on his head.)

Gracious! what’s the meaning of that rig?

Bobstay. Disguise; run the gantlet; slip my cable. See, I’m here – I’m gone. If anybody asks for Bobstay, you know – mysteriously disappeared. [Goes to door C.

(Enter Mrs. Cleverly, C.)

Mrs. C. One moment, if you please.

Bobstay (aside). Shiver my timbers, it’s Jenny!

Charles. She’s found him out!

Mrs. C. (leading Bobstay down R. by arm). I have no objections to my husband’s entertaining ladies in my absence; but I have decided objections to their leaving my house with property not their own. I’ll thank you for that shawl.

Bobstay. Ay, ay. (Takes off shawl.)

Mrs. C. And that bonnet.

Bobstay (takes off bonnet). Ay, ay.

Mrs. C. Captain Bobstay! Uncle Boliver!

(Enter Miss Persis, door L.)

Persis. Captain Bobstay! My husband! (Shrieks, and falls into Charles’s arms.)

Bobstay. ’Tis she; support me, Jenny (falls into Mrs. C.’s arms).

(Report of gun outside C.)

Dolby. Help! murder! help! (Runs in through door C., turns and shuts door; puts his back against it.) Hallo! what’s the matter here?

Mrs. C. So, sir, you have deceived me. And this lady is —

Charles. Your aunt, Mrs. Captain Bobstay.

Bobstay. ’Tis false!

Persis. Boliver! my own – (approaching him.)

Bobstay. No, nothing of the kind, madam. You married me and I married you under a mistake. When you can bring me convincing proof of the death of your husband Spanker, – a leg or an arm of the aforesaid will be sufficient proof, – I am ready to talk business. Till then, madam, I am free.

Persis. Boliver —

Bobstay. O, I shall boil over if you are not silent (sits at table R., takes up paper; reads. Miss Persis moves about him, trying to get sight of his face; he keeps the paper before him).

Charles. Now, Mrs. Cleverly, having cleared myself to your satisfaction, I hope – (sees Dolby) Hallo! Dolby, what are you doing there?

Dolby. Fact is, Charley, I’ve shot something!

(Carlos sticks his head into window.)

Carlos. Yes, darn you, you shot a calf! But Buffalo Bill, our black bull, tossed you over the fence in no time. Ho, ho, ho! You’re a sportsman, you are!

    [Exit C.

Dolby. Charley, I guess I’ll go home. I’ve lost my net, my rod, and my gun; and if your game are as active as your friend Buffalo William, I’d rather not be hunting, thank you.

Charles. Do you recognize that note, Dolby? (Gives note.)

Dolby. O, Lord, it’s! coming! Here’s a pretty day’s sport! That note? O, yes. That note is —

Charles. From my wife, I believe.

Dolby. O, heavens, it’s all over! Charley, ’pon my word, I hadn’t the least idea that Rosa Bean was your wife. If I had —

Charles. Silence! (Snatches note from Dolby, and runs to C.) And you, madam, what have you to say to it? (Gives note to Mrs. C.)

(Enter Nelly, C.)

Mrs. C. (looking at it.) Say! What can I say? This in no way concerns me.

Charles. Indeed! And the picture?