A Mind of Your Own

Visualisation: You are sitting at your desk deep in thought when the sound of the fax machine attracts your attention. Looking at the paper gliding through the machine, it becomes apparent that someone is very angry indeed. Reading through the printed page, you realise that a friend has misinterpreted a previous message. Unhappy about the situation, you send a new fax. Disturbed, you try to return to your work but you are unable to concentrate. The fax spills out a reply. It says, ‘This matter was too important to be sent by fax. Still angry.’

Your working day in ruins, you pick up the phone and speak to your friend direct. When the conversation comes to an end, he says, ‘I’m sorry to have misunderstood you. But your choice of words in the fax was inappropriate.’ In fact, you had not changed the words at all. What had changed was the inflection and tone of your voice accompanying the words.

Although there has to be a place in the modern world for machines, especially in business, do not make a habit of replacing them totally in favour of that very special piece of communication equipment – the voice.

Affirmation: The art of communication is a gift. I must use it.

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Complaining (#ulink_c41fad5a-aca8-52bf-9ecb-8edcfcb7dbe1)

Complain if you must but only if it’s just.

BETTY SHINE

IN BUSINESS, people have come to expect complaints. Only time will tell whether or not they are justified. But people who complain continually make our lives a misery.

Through healing, I have found that unhappiness is often at the root of the problem. Cure that, and the complaints will cease. Very rarely do happy people complain, and when they do it is usually for a very good reason. There are those of course who never complain, for fear of reprisal or humiliation. If they make a complaint, then you can be pretty sure it is fully justified – listen to them, and learn from it.

Before airing a complaint yourself, think: Is it really that important? Are you being selfish? Are you looking for sympathy? Are you in need of attention? The list of possibilities is endless, but keep asking yourself questions. If you then still feel the need to complain, then go ahead. At least you will have reassured yourself that you are not complaining for the sake of it.

Visualisation: You are sitting at work when the office moaner arrives. Not only do they disrupt your day, but it takes all of your strength not to be rude. When they leave you feel like a washed-out rag. On they go, from one person to another. Some suggest, kindly, that if their life is that bad then action should be taken. The advice is ignored.

Another day at the office the same thing happens, only this time the complainant reckons that someone tried to attack them on the way to work. No one wants to listen. Later, that same person is found slumped over their desk. You notice they are covered in bruises. Everyone feels guilty – in this instance the complaint had been justified. But having listened to so many unwarranted complaints, how could you have known the seriousness of it this time?

Monitor yourself so that when you make a complaint, people will listen, and teach others by your example.

Affirmation: I will complain only when it is justified.

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Conceit (#ulink_df4b284a-e9d2-57a7-904a-e07d57fc7f7c)

Words are the tokens current and accepted for conceits, as moneys are for values.

FRANCIS BACON

1561–1626

CONCEIT IS AN EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT TRAIT. Arrogance of any kind is undesirable but self-love is repugnant in the extreme. It is totally different from loving and being comfortable with oneself. Conceit stems from such a lack of knowledge about oneself that the personality is tricked into thinking it is in some way exalted. Even worse, the individual also expects others to accept this image and to worship it.

I have met so many conceited people throughout my life that recognition of this condition is instant, and it takes only seconds for me to put distance between us. That might sound a little odd, but there are times when I have to share the same space at a function so the farther away I can stand from them, the better.

In many ways the condition is quite sad because these arrogant people crave recognition, and to encourage it they become poseurs. But the truth is that most of the time people avoid them like the plague. If you recognise yourself in this, read on.

Visualisation: You are standing in a room full of people. You are dressed more garishly than anyone else, and you are longing to be noticed. But the conversational groups are not opening up to let you in. In fact, they are ignoring you. You feel sad, angry and alone, not having received the recognition that you believe you deserve. A waiter offers you a drink.

‘Am I not the most interesting and talented person around?’ you ask him. ‘Why am I ignored?’

‘Talented you may be,’ he replies. ‘But not interesting, because you show no interest in others. You see, it is a two-way exchange. You do not play the game.’

Remember that the garishness and sadness that you have felt is the state of your mind. Do try to change. There is so much happiness around – seek it out and stop being conceited.

Affirmation: I want my life to be complete. I must rid myself of this conceit.

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Concentration (#ulink_19bc8754-7780-5eac-ae72-efba251d02a1)

Depend upon it, Sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

SAMUEL JOHNSON

1709–1784

FROM INFANTS TO ADULTS, lack of concentration is often caused by boredom. On the other hand, we are totally focused when we are enthusiastic about something. Talented teachers, though, can catch the imagination of their pupils, and induce concentration in even the most reluctant individual.

Enthusiasm for life is the trigger for stimulating poor concentration. When a special person enters your life and is able to make something happen for you, take the gift and enhance it with your own special talents. Finally, when you are able to walk alone, pass it on.

Visualisation: Whilst walking along a cliff path and looking out to sea, you become aware of a slight figure ahead of you dressed in a gold cloak. As you approach him, he turns and smiles. ‘You do not recognise me?’ he asks.

‘No,’ you reply.

The stranger looks into your eyes. ‘I am your spiritual mentor. I have known you all your life.’ Turning away, he waves his arms towards the sea. ‘What do you see out there?’

Bored, but not wishing to be discourteous, you remark, ‘Nothing much, just a few small boats.’

The stranger is intrigued. ‘Don’t you ever wonder what lies beneath the sea? Come. I want to show you.’

In a trance-like state you are transported into a world that you have never seen before. Walking along the sea bed, you are delighted by the colour and magnitude of this other world. You have seen pictures of deep-sea diving, but the reality is something quite different. To be able to touch the fish, the rocks, and swirling fronds of seaweed, and enjoy the varying colours in this magical landscape gives your life an added dimension. The stranger, pleased with your response, takes you further into the caves, uncovering secrets that only he could reveal. ‘Now we will return,’ he says, adding, ‘If you want your life to have a magical quality, always look beneath the surface.’

Affirmation: Stimulation aids concentration.

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Confession (#ulink_e6216cea-e02f-5013-8dce-1f2d8d47e68b)

Confession is good for the soul? No! Not always.

BETTY SHINE

BEFORE CONFESSING YOUR SINS to anyone other than your priest, THINK, THINK and THINK again about the misery you may cause. Small misdemeanours are quite easy to handle, and we are usually forgiven. It is the big sins that create havoc. Are you going to bare your soul to the victim simply to give yourself peace of mind, or because you are in a holier-than-thou mood? There are times when confessing becomes inevitable but there are also times when it is wise to maintain a dignified silence. Only you can decide, but imagine the scene and follow it through to the consequences. Where the emotions are concerned and hearts are broken, they very rarely mend without a scar. Please be very careful.

Visualisation: Go through the whole confession and consequences of your actions. Imagine every detail and think it through first. If you still wish to confess then do so, but be big enough to handle it in as dignified a manner as possible. If, on the other hand, you know that it could wreck someone’s life, then delay the confession or discuss it first with a counsellor or your priest. Never confess on the spur of the moment.

Affirmation: I must think through the consequences before I make a move.

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