A Mind of Your Own

LAURENCE STERNE

1713–1768

WHEN YOU ARE FACED with aggressive behaviour, back down and try to remain calm. It can be a very frightening experience. I have seen calm personalities explode and become aggressive when they have been pushed by unwarranted behaviour in others. Everyone has the capacity for becoming aggressive – it is there within us all, because we need to defend ourselves when physically attacked.

Self-discipline is the only way to keep this emotion under control, and the best way to do this is to explode on paper. As the thoughts come into your head, write them down, and keep writing until you are sick of the subject or personality you are attacking. Get it out of your system, because if you keep it there it will rear its ugly head at the most inopportune time.

If you happen to receive a letter written in anger, don’t take it to heart. Allow the author a few weeks to calm down. Given time, they will probably regret having sent it.

Remember, we are only human, and we all have our failings. Forgive.

Visualisation: You are sitting with a friend enjoying a relaxed conversation and a stranger nearby joins in the conversation. Annoyed at this intrusion you begin to feel aggressive. At this point visualise a plastic balloon inside your stomach, filling with air. Take a needle and prick the balloon before the hot air causes an explosion, injuring all those around you.

Affirmation: Burst the bubble and stay out of trouble.

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Anger (#ulink_2e065958-7215-5582-9f18-0f443741d4a6)

Anger is a short madness.

HORACE

65–8 BC

LIKE A FIERY FLAME, anger begins in the pit of the stomach and within a few minutes pervades the whole of your body. It is only when you find yourself holding your head in pain that you realise what an impact it is making on your mind. It is at this point that you must make a decision. Are you going to let this unbelievable surge of adrenaline ruin your life and possibly that of everyone around you? Or are you going to allow discipline and logic to take over and channel your negative energies into something constructive?

You will not often have the amount of adrenaline that comes with anger at your disposal, so for starters, use it to get some of the lousy jobs that are part of your everyday life out of the way. If you have a car, wash and polish it instead of leaving it to someone else. If the house needs cleaning, get to it. Or walk the dogs that extra mile – they will love it and you will feel better. If you have no car, house or dogs, use your imagination and get rid of that first power surge somehow, for that is when really bad things can happen. Or you can try the following exercise.

Visualisation: Give yourself up to the moment. Picture a fiery red door. Open it. You find yourself in a large empty warehouse. Suddenly, the image changes and there is carnage all around you. You watch with horror as the debris silently slips into an abyss and you feel a force drawing you towards that abyss. This is decision time. Have you the strength and discipline to turn around and walk away? To return to sanity? If you have, you will find – perhaps for the first time – an inner peace which will support you throughout your life. If you cannot turn back, life will remain difficult until you find the strength to do so.

Affirmation: The anger will not consume me.

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Anxiety (#ulink_b2b35c3b-fdd0-5337-9f36-2121473a4071)

When you’re lying awake with a dismal headache, and repose is taboo’d by anxiety,

I conceive you may use any language you choose to indulge in, without impropriety.

W. S. GILBERT

1836–1911

FOR SOME PEOPLE, being in a state of permanent anxiety is the norm. Even when there is nothing specific to feel uneasy about, they imagine that something is missing from their lives. Having never experienced peace of mind, it becomes extremely difficult for them to dislodge such a long-standing habit.

Anxiety is a habit you cannot afford. It takes away the ability to see clearly and you make mistakes. However, minds that are fully occupied don’t have the time to indulge in anxiety and are usually healthier for it.

Through healing, I have been able to cure this all too common habit, many times, only to see it return as soon as the voice of reassurance becomes unavailable. If you are serving a life sentence because of this problem, make time every day to practise the following exercise.

Visualisation: You find yourself walking down a corridor of closed doors. As you reach the doors they swing open. Anxious and fearful, you try to turn back, and then you hear a voice saying, ‘Don’t be afraid. I will walk with you.’ You have a feeling of total peace and you walk on.

The first door swings open. You look inside – the room is empty. Leaving the door open, you move to the second door and open it, revealing a room full of sunlight. You open the third door and find a group of people meditating. The door to the fourth room reveals nothing more than three people in earnest conversation. But as the fifth door opens you come face to face with four miserable individuals. The negativity they radiate is so strong that you hurriedly close the door behind you. You know, without a shadow of doubt, that you do not want to join the unhappy people in the last room.

As you can see, most of the fears you had were unfounded. Those that weren’t can be shut out of your life whenever they unnerve you.

There will be many doors in your life that will need to be investigated. But in the end the choice of leaving those particular doors open or closed will be yours.

Affirmation: Anxiety is counterproductive – I don’t need it.

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Bitterness (#ulink_64014635-fc04-509c-8154-cc28a0d293a9)

Teach us delight in simple things, And mirth that has no bitter springs; Forgiveness free of evil done, And love to all men ’neath the sun!

RUDYARD KIPLING

1865–1936

AT SOME TIME OR ANOTHER, everyone will feel the acidity of bitterness burning into their soul. It is a difficult emotion to deal with. When this happens, memories invade the privacy of your thoughts at all hours of the day and night, and the pain never seems to go away. It does not really matter whether the memories are true or false. They are there, and you have to get rid of them.

Try this exercise. Take a pen and paper and write everything down as it comes into your head, and continue to write until you feel hollow inside and completely washed out. When you have finished, DO NOT READ IT THROUGH – otherwise you will simply be feeding it back into your mind.

Find an old tin – deep biscuit tins are the best – place your notes in the tin and then put it into the sink where it will be safe. Put a match to the paper and watch it burn, knowing that as it does so your bitter thoughts will be reduced to ashes.

Keep repeating this exercise until you feel cleansed. Because at some time you just have to face the world again. It is called SURVIVAL.

Visualisation: Sit down and close your eyes. You are in a garden and can hear the most beautiful music flowing through your mind, embracing your soul. You get up and start walking through the garden to find the source of the music, but it begins to fade. Then a voice says, ‘When you are cleansed of all the bitterness, only then will you hear the full glory of the music.’

Affirmation: Bitterness sears the soul.

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Blessings (#ulink_7a3dde30-9e8e-50f4-991d-ab70ff9febba)

Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God, and value it next to a good conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of; a blessing that money cannot buy.

IZAAK WALTON

1593–1683

ALTHOUGH HEALTH IS OF PRIME IMPORTANCE in our lives, there are hundreds of small blessings that bring happiness into our everyday existence, and it is very comforting to remember these. Perhaps that is why you have turned to this page. But you may be reading this because you are having a bad day. If so, take a few minutes to run through the following visualisation.

Visualisation: You begin to think about the small things that have made your life bearable. They might be recent or from many years ago. As each memory comes to life you will feel rejuvenated as the original pleasure that it gave you pulses through your being. Memories are real – they can never die.

Affirmation: Life itself is a blessing.