Nobody’s Son: All Alex ever wanted was a family of his own

‘It is,’ I said.

‘It’s big.’

‘Yes. So there’s lots of space for you and James to play.’

‘Wow,’ he said again. Taking his time, he savoured the picture and then turned the page.

I watched his expression change from awe to intrigue as his gaze fell on the photo of his new family and he ‘met’ them for the first time. It was impossible to know what he was thinking or feeling. Suddenly being presented with your ready-made forever family isn’t something many of us ever experience. Wonder, reverence, elation and trepidation must have been a few of the emotions that ran through him as he sat in silence beside me staring at the photograph. He could have as much time as he needed and I wouldn’t complicate his thoughts with unnecessary words. This was a moment he would remember forever – the first time he saw his family. It was monumental.

‘They look very smart,’ he said quietly after a while.

‘Yes, they do. They wore their best clothes for the photograph and they posed for it in front of a photographer. Like you do for your school photograph each year.’

Alex continued to study the photograph, gazing into the eyes of his family as they smiled back. ‘I think James looks a bit like me,’ he said.

‘Yes, he does a little. He’s only eighteen months older than you and loves to ride his bike, just as you do.’

Alex’s eyes lit up. ‘Have they got a garden? We can ride our bikes in the garden.’

‘Yes, they have, a big garden. There’s a picture of it at the end of the album. The whole family like to go for bike rides. They live in a country village so there are lots of good places to ride.’

‘Wow. I’m looking forward to riding my bike with my family in the country.’ My heart went out to him.

‘They do other things as well,’ I said. ‘They go horse riding, and if you want to learn to ride a horse, your mummy said she will arrange lessons for you.’

‘Horses are very big,’ Alex said, a little concerned. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t have to make a decision now, but not all horses are big. See how you feel once you’ve moved in and have been to the stables and seen the horses. James is also learning to play a musical instrument. You can too if you wish. Your daddy said you could choose an instrument to learn to play and then he’ll arrange lessons for you at home.’

‘Great. Can I learn to play the guitar?’ he asked excitedly.

‘I don’t see why not. You’ll have to ask your mummy and daddy when you see them. I’m sure they’ll be pleased you are interested. James also has a tutor to help him with his school work and he can help you too, although you are doing very well at school.’

He smiled. ‘I like my school.’

Best get this piece of news out of the way, I thought. ‘Alex, you’ll be able to stay at your present school for a few weeks after you move to your family. But then after Easter you will start your new school, which is closer to your home.’

‘Why? I like my school,’ he asked, perturbed. ‘My friends are there.’

‘I know, but it’s an hour in the car each way, which is a long time. I’m sure you’d rather be at home in the evening playing than sitting in a car travelling. You’ll make lots of new friends at your new school and I expect you’ll be able to keep in touch with some of your old friends. It’s the same school James goes to.’ I knew that once Alex was settled with his family the move to his new school wouldn’t seem so daunting, especially as James was there already.

‘When do I move to my new home?’ Alex asked, turning the page of the album.

‘In two weeks’ time. But we’re jumping ahead of ourselves. Let’s finish looking at the photographs first, and then I’ll explain what is going to happen and when.’

As Alex turned the pages I talked about the different rooms, taking my time and waiting until he’d finished studying each photograph before going on to the next. Through the open living-room door I could hear Adrian and Paula doing the activities I’d arranged on the table. Then as Alex neared the end of the album Adrian called out, ‘I’m hungry, Mum. Are you nearly done in there?’

‘I won’t be too long. Good boy.’

Once Alex had finished looking at the last photograph – of the garden – he flipped through the pictures to the one of his family again and studied it thoughtfully. ‘Do you think they will like me?’ he asked at last.

‘Yes. Definitely. And I’m sure you’ll like them. It’s bound to feel a bit strange for you all to begin with until you get to know each other. But before long it will be like you’ve always been there.’

‘And they’ll love me like you love Adrian and Paula?’ he now asked.

My heart clenched. I hadn’t given him a hug yet, respecting his personal space, but instinctively I put my arm around him and hugged him. He didn’t pull away. ‘They will love you lots and lots,’ I said. ‘Like I love Adrian and Paula and they love James.’

He smiled. ‘I’m going to love them lots too. I’m so lucky.’

I swallowed the lump rising in my throat. ‘They’re lucky to have you, Alex. You’re a lovely boy.’ He smiled. ‘So now let me tell you what is going to happen over the next two weeks when you meet your family, and then I’ll make some dinner.’ He straightened and, holding the album to his chest, listened intently as I began by telling him about his parents’ visit to us on Saturday, and then our visit to them on Sunday when he would meet James. I continued outlining the timetable of introductions – the visits and telephone calls, culminating with the Monday he would move. ‘You don’t have to remember all of this,’ I said. ‘I’ll be telling you each day and asking you if you have any questions or worries. I’ve moved children to their forever families before and it all works out perfectly, so don’t worry.’ The timetable of introduction was always similar and worked well. It was designed to give the child and the adoptive family sufficient time to get to know each other without overburdening them – hence the days when they spoke on the telephone but didn’t actually see each other. The pace could be slowed if necessary, but in my experience it was usually speeded up as the adoptive family and the child bonded and were eager to be together permanently.

Alex nodded. ‘Can I show Adrian and Paula my pictures now?’

‘Yes, of course, if you’d like to.’

‘Adrian! Paula!’ Alex cried at the top of his voice. ‘Come and see what I’ve got.’

They didn’t need telling twice. ‘We’re coming!’ Adrian shouted. Two pairs of feet scuttled from the table and into the living room.

I stood. ‘Come and sit beside Alex so you can both see. I’ll go and make dinner.’

They leapt onto the sofa and sat either side of Alex. He waited until they were settled like a teacher waits for a class to silence, before quietly but confidently reading his name from the front. ‘Alex.’ Then he said, ‘This is a book about my family.’

I went to the patio doors and drew the curtains against the cold night sky as Alex opened the album and announced, ‘This is a picture of my house.’

‘Cool,’ Adrian said admiringly.

‘Is that where you are going to live?’ Paula asked.

‘Yes, with my family.’

‘Cool,’ Paula said, copying her brother.

Alex gave them a moment to savour the picture and then turned the page. ‘This is my family,’ he said proudly, pointing. ‘That’s my mummy. That’s my daddy and that’s my brother, James. They’ve got their best clothes on because they had their photograph taken by a photographer, like we do at school.’

I smiled to myself, and I left the room with them huddled around the album.

Alex was inseparable from his photograph album for the rest of that evening. When he wasn’t looking at the actual pictures he was holding the album or had it close by. He brought it to the dinner table with him, where he tucked it under his chair while he ate. It was beside him while he did his homework and then on his lap as he watched television. At bedtime he took it upstairs with him, clutching it protectively to his chest. He did leave it outside the toilet but took it with him into the bathroom, where he placed it in one corner, safely out of reach of any splashes of water. Once in his pyjamas he carried it through to his bedroom and then tucked it under his pillow for the night. ‘It will be safe there,’ he said.

‘Yes, it will.’ I smiled.

‘Have my family got pictures of me?’ he asked as he climbed into bed.

‘They’ll certainly have at least one of you.’ A recent photograph of Alex would have been included in the paperwork for the adoption matching process.

‘Do you think they’re looking at it now?’ he asked.

‘They might be.’