Pride and Prejudice, a play founded on Jane Austen's novel

I dare say you will find him very agreeable.

Elizabeth

Heaven forbid! That would be the greatest misfortune of all. To find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate! Do not wish me such an evil.

Charlotte

I wouldn't be a simpleton, Eliza. You are angry because Wickham is not here, but I wouldn't allow my fancy for him to make me unpleasant in the eyes of a man of ten times his consequence.

Elizabeth

My fancy for Wickham, as you choose to call it, is simply my sympathy for a most ill-used man: also the relief of meeting with good manners and a good understanding after the insufferable pride of Mr. Darcy, and the stupid pomposity of that dreadful Mr. Collins! [Charlotte starts.] Oh, my dear Charlotte, I have never thanked you half enough for helping us to endure that man. It was so good-natured in you to sacrifice yourself by listening to those interminable speeches of his. – I am more obliged to you than I can express. But oh, what a relief it is to know that he is really gone!

Charlotte

[Who has listened to all this tirade in increasing embarrassment.] Oh, don't! Don't, Eliza! You are making it so terribly hard for me. But, – but I must tell you. – I am engaged to Mr. Collins!

[Elizabeth is stupefied with surprise and looks at Charlotte for a moment in silent and incredulous amazement. Then with difficulty she speaks.]

Elizabeth

Engaged! Engaged to – to Mr. Collins! Oh, my dear Charlotte —impossible! [Hopefully.] You are joking!

Charlotte

[With spirit.] No, indeed, Eliza, I am in most serious earnest. Why should you be so surprised? Do you think it incredible that Mr. Collins should be able to procure any woman's good opinion, because he was not so happy as to succeed with you?

Elizabeth

[Confused.] Oh, no – no – of course not. And, – and you must forgive all I have just said. I couldn't possibly have imagined —

Charlotte

[More sweetly.] No, Eliza, indeed you could not. [She puts her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder.] And we shall be friends still?

Elizabeth

Why, of course, of course, dear Charlotte. It was only the – the surprise. You know how fond I am of you. You know I wish you all imaginable happiness.

Charlotte

Yes, I am sure of it. You must be surprised – very much surprised, so lately as Mr. Collins was wishing to marry you. But, dear Eliza, when you have had time to think it all over, I hope you will be satisfied with what I have done. I am not romantic. I ask only a comfortable home, and, considering Mr. Collins' situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state.

Elizabeth

[In an absent manner.] Undoubtedly.

Charlotte

[Looking at Elizabeth affectionately and wistfully.] And you will come to visit me sometimes? I could not bear to lose you, Eliza!

Elizabeth

[Looking up, and patting Charlotte's hand.] Surely, Charlotte! [Smiling.] We are to be cousins, you know.

Charlotte

[Cheerfully.] Why, so we are!

[Colonel Forster comes from the ball-room. Lydia and Denny enter from the drawing-room.]

Colonel Forster

[Hurriedly going to Charlotte.] I am to have the honour of this reel, I believe, Miss Lucas.

Charlotte

Oh yes, Colonel Forster.

[She goes out with Forster, leaving Elizabeth alone, still seated. Lydia and Denny approach Elizabeth.]

Lydia

I think we are being treated abominably ill, Lizzy! It seems that Mr. Wickham has gone off on business somewhere, so he will not be here at all. [Lydia looks off toward the ball-room.]

Denny

[Aside to Elizabeth significantly.] I do not imagine his business would have called him away just now if he had not wished to avoid a certain gentleman.

Lydia

[Suddenly.] Why, Mr. Denny – I do believe the reel is half over – I dearly love a reel! We shall miss it, altogether. Come! [She drags Denny off.]

Elizabeth

[Alone.] Well! Well! The world is surely upside down. Charlotte and – Collins! What a match!

Darcy

[Approaching from the ball-room.] Do not you feel a great inclination, Miss Bennet, to seize such an opportunity of dancing a reel?

[Elizabeth makes no answer.]

Do not you enjoy the reel, Miss Bennet?

Elizabeth

[Looking up.] Oh, I heard you before, but I could not immediately determine what to say in reply. You wanted me, I know, to say – "Yes," that you might have the pleasure of despising my taste; but I always delight in overthrowing that kind of scheme. I have therefore made up my mind to tell you that I do not want to dance a reel at all; and now despise me, if you dare!