The Positive Woman

To turn to the structure of the book itself:

• Part 1: Laying the foundations deals with ways in which you can provide yourself with a firm positive base by:

– expanding your self-knowledge and becoming more self-aware

– challenging and changing your negative thinking, feeling and behavioural habits.

• Part 2: Getting equipped looks at practical ways to prepare yourself for action by:

– improving your physical well-being

– finding an appropriate image

– acquiring additional helpful skills and know-ledge.

• Part 3: Getting into action gives guidelines and exercises to help you put the theory and the ‘new you’ into practice through:

– re-vitalizing your personal relationships

– changing your lifestyle with better management.

• Part 4: Practical support introduces a number of additional ways to help and support you in your programme for change, including:

– positive action strategy

– relaxation, meditation and visualization exercises

– the use of affirmations and scripting

– a reading list for further help and advice.

How long it will take you to complete the book and the course will depend firstly on your motivation, secondly on the extent of your difficulty, and thirdly on the time you can make available to do the personal development work. I would suggest that even the keenest of the keen would be pushing themselves if they expected to see big changes in less than eight weeks. Many people using my other books report that they have taken a quick read of the text for initial encouragement and a basic understanding of the method and have then returned to the books again to work through them at a slower pace so that they could digest them more thoroughly and complete the exercises.

Although, in my experience, most people find this kind of personal development work engrossing and rewarding even in its early stages, there will be times when you will be tempted to give up on yourself. This is why it is important to go at the pace which suits you – too fast and you will exhaust yourself and too slow you will lose momentum. The beauty of using these self-help methods is that you are in control and there is not the competitive element found in many courses. Who is to know, or care, whether you are working through the programme as fast and furiously as Jane in Auckland, Paula in Toronto or Gillian in Birmingham? You are the chief trainer and therapist. You must set the goals, plan the action, assess the progress and arrange the rewards. This book is designed to stimulate and enrich your potential to help yourself by providing you with inspirational examples, enlightening theory and hundreds of down-to-earth, practical ideas. Use it to empower and encourage yourself to overcome and control the negative demon within you!

Part 1Laying the foundations (#ulink_195ee975-be93-5ba0-92b1-ba993963a0e3)

Chapter 1Basic philosophy (#ulink_a7c8c1e1-f4ac-54e1-b7f6-b2f5f3244ea3)

What is it all about?

We all know women who think and act positively even when the cards seem well and truly stacked against them. The individual personalities of these women will vary enormously – some will be quietly spoken and others will be the life and soul of every occasion – but I believe that they, and others who habitually think, feel and act positively, are likely to share the following basic characteristics.

Hallmarks of positive thinkers

Progressive

Optimistic

Sensible

Independent

Trusting

Industrious

Versatile

Encouraging

• Progressive – because they themselves are continually growing and developing and they are interested in helping others to do the same. They are not afraid of the future; indeed, they look forward to it with enthusiasm and interest. They are not always looking back over their shoulders at ‘the good old days’, even though they may appreciate and be able to learn from their own and their culture’s history.

• Optimistic – because they approach problems and situations believing that a good outcome may be possible. They do not easily give up hope, so they are able to persevere through difficult times and setbacks. They believe that taking an encouraging view of the situation can often bring about a favourable outcome.

• Sensible – because they carefully assess situations and prepare themselves well for possible setbacks and disasters. They know the advantages of sound organization and management strategies and do not just allow luck or fate to guide them along. They are careful to ensure that their goals, although challenging, are realistic, so they are not continually setting themselves up for failure.

• Independent – because they are at ease with themselves, they enjoy their own company and are not continually dependent on others to make them feel happy or secure. They are able to have satisfying long-term intimate relationships because they can control their dependency needs and can allow other people to have their individuality. They can motivate and organize themselves and are capable of being self-supporting. They are not afraid to swim against the tide and take innovatory steps forward or make difficult decisions.

• Trusting – because they have a high degree of self-knowledge and sound values, they are able to trust themselves. They do not feel continually disappointed or surprised by their own feelings and actions and are therefore able to make full use of their spontaneity and intuition. They enjoy meeting new faces and are able to put their trust in others because, unless there is proof to the contrary, they believe that most people are good and have enormous potential. This means that they are both willing to lead and be led.

• Industrious – because they have belief in themselves and their potential and are optimistic about outcomes, they are well motivated and can work with enthusiasm and energy. They try to ensure that their work is meaningful and rewarding so that they tend to enjoy rather than resent it. As they are keen to be working in peak form most of the time, they ensure that they look after themselves both physically and mentally. They are keen to stretch the limits of their potential so they make certain that they use all the educational and training opportunities available to them.

• Versatile – because they are confident of their own ‘core identity’, they are able to move easily in and out of many different roles and make full use of the various sides of their personality. They are able to be logical and rational but also very creative and resourceful. They do not easily get stuck in ruts or become obsessional or phobic, but are open to new ideas and a whole range of different experiences and viewpoints.

• Encouraging – because they do not feel threatened by others’ success, they are willing and able to enthuse and lead. Without standing on a pedestal, they are willing and able to share the secrets of both their personal and public achievements and therefore can be an inspiration and guide to others. People feel safe to take risks and make mistakes in their presence because they do not demand perfection and are open about their own limitations. They want to take active steps to make the world a fairer, safer and happier place for everyone and, because they look after themselves well, they have the energy to care for others and engage in reforming or revolutionary projects.

I am convinced that the above are not mere figments of my idealistic imagination! They are traits which I have observed in numerous people who are leading happy, satisfying and socially useful lives. Some of the most famous examples are quoted throughout this book, but there are many others who live quietly but contentedly and productively out of the limelight.

I also see many people striving to achieve these qualities but often finding themselves frustratingly blocked, in spite of their supreme effort and motivation. Some of the resistance comes from outside forces, but often it is internal. Many people are becoming increasingly aware that their own negativity is blocking their potential to be the kind of person they want to be.

Negative thinking

The sad fact is that very many people find themselves:

– afraid to take risks, so they stay in the same boring, unrewarding job or damaging relationship

– unable to take responsibility and assert themselves so that their children, colleagues or boss walk all over them

– giving up on their appearance and health by letting their body ‘go’; perhaps becoming overweight, drinking too much, wearing themselves out, not bothering to ‘dress up’ or face the hairdresser’s

– becoming increasingly isolated and lonely, as their friendships deteriorate and no new ones are formed

– getting more rigid and obsessional in their thinking and losing touch with their creativity so they are passed over for promotion

– not bothering to vote, so they get the government they don’t trust

– too busy, too worn out or too despairing to give time to ‘good causes’ so they begin to project their guilt outwards with ‘aren’t they awful’ and ‘isn’t it terrible’ ineffectual moans.