Great Sporting Wisdom: Legendary Quotes from the World of Sport

Joan Rivers

Missing The Target

The athletic facilities situation is a mess. Girls still haven’t figured out how to use the urinals.

John Roberts

Elementary, My Dear Watson

In running, you have to be suspicious when you line up against girls with moustaches.

Maree Holland

Medical Advice

My doctor told me my jogging could add years to my life. I told him ‘Yeah, since I began, I already feel ten years older!’

Lee Trevino

Early Risers

Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch Breakfast TV.

Victoria Wood

Testing Positive

If she [Diane Modahl] was as much over the limit as the test supposes, she would be a big girl with a deep voice and beard. We’d all be calling her Barry White.

Tony Jarrett

High Power

Nature’s attempt [Vladimir Kuts - Olympic 5000 & 10000m champion] at an engine in boots.

A. P. Herbert

Wired For Speed

I’m studying to be an electronics engineer. I put wires in my legs.

Wilson Kipketer after winning the 800m gold at the 1995 World Championships

Mathematics Made Complicated

I’ve got ten pairs of training shoes. One for every day of the week.

Samantha Fox, ex-Page Three Girl

Requirements

Women need a firm bra, not one of the flimsy all-elastic ones. That’s especially true if you have large breasts. Otherwise they’ll bounce and you’ll always be waiting for them to come down before you take your step.

Nine Kuscsik

2. Field Of Dreams

Expensive Education

Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.

Minna Antrim

Muscle

People think of me as the Incredible Hulk.

Fatima Whitbread

The Hands That Rock The Cradle

To be an Olympic champion, I am convinced you must choose your parents carefully.

Per-Olaf Astrand, Swedish athletic researcher

Idiotic

Athletic sports, save in the case of young boys, are designed for idiots.

George Nathan

Amateur Ethos

A proper definition of an amateur sportsman today is one who accepts cash, not cheques.

Jack Kelly

High Profile

Our athletes are flying the flagship for British sport.

Fatima Whitbread

Elegance

Watching the Russian female shot-putters is like watching an eighteen-stone ballet dancer.

David Campbell