Great Sporting Wisdom: Legendary Quotes from the World of Sport

Baseball Bloomers (#ulink_4531bd7d-9a92-532a-85b3-79d908324aba)

Anyone who loses sleep worrying about the meaning of life will not seek answers among baseball practitioners. But to those who love the game, baseball is the meaning of life. For lovers of the absurd, outrageous and totally bizarre, this selection of sporting quotes could make the proverbial cat laugh. A pot pourri of double entendres, satirical quips and unintentional puns from the tongues of a sporting elite. Reading pleasure for the mischievous and warped.

1. The All-American Game

Hype

Calling it the World Series must impress the world as an example of America’s modesty.

Anon

Run That By Me Again

No wonder nobody comes here [a crowded New York restaurant] to eat – it’s too crowded.

Yogi Berra, New York Yankees

Lords and Masters

Baseball must be a great game to survive the people who run it.

Arthur Daley, sportswriter

Parental Control

I think Little League is all right: it keeps the parents off the street.

Rocky Bridges, Minor League manager

You Don’t Say

[Orel] Hershiser is the only Major League player to have two consecutive pronouns in his surname.

Roger Angell, sportswriter

Descent of the Apes

‘Babe’ Ruth wasn’t born – the sonofabitch fell from a tree.

Joe Duggan, New York Yankees

Ruth

The Ruth is mighty and shall prevail.

Heywood Broun

Crowd Puller

Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.

Jerry Coleman, (in)famous commentator

Billy the Kid

A baseball fan has the digestive apparatus of a billy goat. He can – and does – devour any set of diamond statistics with insatiable appetite and then nuzzles hungrily for more.

Arthur Daley

Speed

The Mets [baseball team] has come along slow, but fast!

Casey Stengel

Beauty and the Beast

1. It’s no fun being married to an electric light.

Joe DiMaggio on his marriage to Marilyn Monroe

2. I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto!

Yogi Berra on the marriage

3. Why marry a ball player when you can have the whole team?

Mae West on the marriage

4. It proves that no man can be a success in two national pastimes.

Oscar Levant on the break-up of the marriage

The Demon Drink

Two of the pall-bearers at Babe Ruth’s funeral in August 1948 were teammates – pitcher Waite Hoyt (himself an alcoholic) and Third Baseman Joe Duggan. As they carried out their duties, Duggan whispered: ‘I’d give $100 for a cold beer’. Hoyt replied: ‘So would the Babe.’

Back to Basics

When all is said and done, sexual intercourse is the only thing worth a fuck.

Casey Stengel attributed

Night and Day

Los Angeles is a town where you can watch night baseball almost any afternoon.

Anon