Boxen: Childhood Chronicles Before Narnia

‘Certainly!’

Big now rose and went out of the breakfast-room. The kings looked at each other: the rabbit spoke.

‘Well. Shall we –’

‘Lodge a formal objection?’

‘To Polonius Green.’

‘I think it would create a pleasant excitement.’

‘I tell you what: let us see Puddiphat about it.’

Suiting the action to the word, the pair rose and having cast a glance at their morning coats, they walked out into Regency St After going along this thourafare for some 300 yds. they stopped before ‘The Regency’ Inn. ‘We’ll find the Viscount inside,’ said the ’jah, and with that they entered.

CHAPTER II

Leaving the Palace, the Little-Master had stepped into a carriage and driven to the Calcutta house of Lord Quicksteppe, Field-Marshal and ex Clique member. His reasons for paying a visit at this early and consequently unusual hour were multiplex. Firstly he wanted his friend’s advice as to what he should do at the meeting of the new Clique. Secondly he wanted to know why on earth he (Quicksteppe) had gone off for a holyday in Clarendon at this crisis.

Arrived before the solid house, he was shown into a salon furnished in the solid splendour and comfort which the old soldier affected. Presently the owner entered: let us observe Field Marshal Frederic Jones Quicksteppe as he is in his 51st year. A tall man of thin once athletic frame, with a flowing brindled beard: a countenance whose noble brow betrayed profound wisdom, while the roguish twinkle in the eyes told that in his laxer moments he might be what is vulgarly termed ‘a gay old spark’.

‘By dear Big! This is an unexpected pleasure.’

‘Good morning. Ah, Quicksteppe what have you been doing abroad?’

‘Resting: you seem perturbed.’

‘Ah it is this new Clique is bothering me. As you know there [are] many people in it of whom I disaprove. Especially that parrot – Green.’

‘Oh: I am sorrey of that.’

‘Of course I said to the boys – I mean to the Majesties – that they ought to sign a formal objection to the bird: naturally I don’t really mean that they should go so far, but then they don’t take any notice.’

‘My dear Big,’ cried Quicksteppe, ‘you’ve made a fool of yourself.’

‘My Lord!!’

‘Yes. What if they happen to take you at your word?’

‘Ah, indeed there such fellows I never know what they may do!’

‘Well, get back to the palace at once & see them. When does the meeting start?’

‘At 11.’

‘Just time.’

‘Good-morning.’

The frog dashed back to his carriage & made what speed he might back to the palace. Here needless to say he did not find them, because they were at the Regency with Puddiphat.

CHAPTER III

When we left them, the two kings had entered the Inner of the Regency, and soon found Viscount Puddiphat, still breaking his fast; this remarkable owl deserves some attention. He was the gayest of all gay Boxonian society, and was reputed to know more about matters sartorial than anyone else alive. He was the proprietor of a large number of eminently successful music-halls called the Alhambras. In appearance he was plump, immaculate, and self-satisfied.

‘Good morning your Majesties!’ cried the owl. ‘I hear you are having your new Clique meeting to day.’

‘I believe so,’ said Bunny with a prodigious yawn, ‘but by Jove we’ll make things hum.’

‘Why? Have Your Majesties any scheme on?’

‘Scheme!’ reiterated the rajah. ‘Rather! We are going to formally object to Polonius Green; at least that is what we are thinking of and we came to ask your advice.’

Puddiphat rose & lit a cigar. ‘Yes: by all means do so. The bird annoys me by the way he wears his clothes. And as well it will make things move.’

Thanking their friend for his council the two boys decided that, as it was now late, they would go at once to the Clique-meeting. With this intention they directed their steps towards the House of Parliament. Having arrived at the stately pile they entered and came into the robing room, which opened off the Clique-chamber. Here they took of coats & waistcoats preparatory to clothing their bodies in the official emblems of their kingship. Having got this far, Benjamin produced a bottle of Zauber which they both sipped reflectively. Meanwhile Big arrived in the Clique-room outside, and while awaiting his fellow-members heard the kings he desired to warn talking inside the robing-room: here he was in a nice dilemma for no one except the monarchs (according to a venerable custom) was allowed into that apartment.

‘Ah, upon my word!’ cried the frog beginning to pace up & down the room, ‘Its too bad. If I can’t get at them before the meeting they’re sure to create a scandal over this wretched parrot.’

The other members now began to arrive. First came Oliver Vant, brother to Reginald Vant the Pig. This worthy was a melancholy stockbroker, who, although he had an excellent knowlledge of his own business, was in outer life what vulgar people call a cod. He at once walked up to the already distracted Little-Master, who was still pacing up & down.

‘My dear Lord Big, how can I express my delight at seeing that you have adopted Professor Brockenhardt’s method of indoor exercise!’

SIR. CHAS. ARABUDDA, THEODORE, MR REGINALD VANT, SIR GOOSE, H.M. THE RAJAH, GENERAL QUICKSTEPPE AND VISCOUNT PUDDIPHAT IN THE LOBBY OF THE HOUSE.

‘I beg your pardon Mr Vant!?’

‘No not at all, Little Master! True I was the first to adopt this system, but I do not accuse you of plaguerism. In point of fact –’

‘My Vant!! Either you are mentally deranged or you have come here for the very purpose of insulting me!’

Fortunately the argument was stopped by the arrival en masse of the other members, Colonel Fortescue, Sir Bradshaw, and Polonius Green.

Fortescue was an army man, who also kept some music halls. Bradshaw was an able barrister and competent politician. Polonius Green as we know was a small ship owner. There also entered the usher, a lugubrious tortoise. The 2 kings now appeared looking very uncomfortable in robes & crowns. Before them the usher bore the double crown of Boxen, in addition to their individual circlets. Benjamin spoilt everything by entering with his set at a racy angle: at a look, however, from the Little-Master he restored it to a horizontal position. As the party seated themselves round the table, Big made frantic but useless efforts to whisper in the Rajah’s ear. Finding this unfeasable he at last addressed the Clique.

‘Your Majesties, and Gentlemen: the business of the Clique to day is Mr Green’s motion, the purport of which he has not thought fit to reveal. I request him to speak.’

The bird rose. ‘Yer Majesties, Little Master and Gents.’ (At this juncture Big said to their majesties in an aside ‘Ah, he’s poor, poor!’) ‘The motion I purpose is that there should be a Chessman in this Clique.’ (Big who abominated the Chessmen as aliens gave a start.) ‘Considering the number of Chessmen in the country and the positions they hold, it is only fair that they should sit in the Clique. The advantages fer this are too obvious to pint out, so I’ll say no more.’

SOUTH DOLFIN-LAND AND THE TRACITIES.

Big rose. ‘Your Majesties, and Gentlemen’ (with much stress on the last word – at this point Polonius broke in ‘Gents, Gents, m’lord, much shorter.’ – ‘Keep the bird quiet usher!’ roared Big in fury. ‘In answer to Mr Green’s proposal I say that Chessmen are aliens, nothing more: if indeed they hold high positions, they should not.’

Polonius broke in. ‘M’lord, ye’d do better not to say much about aliens. Because, yer one yerself, not fergetting you come from the dependant island of Piscia, which is only a colony, all said & done.’

RUINS OF THE FIRST UNITED BOXONIAN PARLIAMENT

HOUSE IN PISCIA.