Cousin Pons

“M. Schmucke is not in possession, madame; he is in M. Pons’ house. Everything will be his, no doubt; but the legatee cannot take possession without an authorization – an order from the Tribunal. And if the next-of-kin set aside by the testator should dispute the order, a lawsuit is the result. And as nobody knows what may happen, everything is sealed up, and the notaries representing either side proceed to draw up an inventory during the delay prescribed by the law… And there you are!”

Schmucke, hearing such talk for the first time in his life, was completely bewildered by it; his head sank down upon the back of his chair – he could not support it, it had grown so heavy.

Villemot meanwhile went off to chat with the justice of the peace and his clerk, assisting with professional coolness to affix the seals – a ceremony which always involves some buffoonery and plentiful comments on the objects thus secured, unless, indeed, one of the family happens to be present. At length the party sealed up the chamber and returned to the dining-room, whither the clerk betook himself. Schmucke watched the mechanical operation which consists in setting the justice’s seal at either end of a bit of tape stretched across the opening of a folding-door; or, in the case of a cupboard or ordinary door, from edge to edge above the door-handle.

“Now for this room,” said Fraisier, pointing to Schmucke’s bedroom, which opened into the dining-room.

“But that is M. Schmucke’s own room,” remonstrated La Sauvage, springing in front of the door.

“We found the lease among the papers,” Fraisier said ruthlessly; “there was no mention of M. Schmucke in it; it is taken out in M. Pons’ name only. The whole place, and every room in it, is a part of the estate. And besides” – flinging open the door – “look here, monsieur le juge de la paix, it is full of pictures.”

“So it is,” answered the justice of the peace, and Fraisier thereupon gained his point.

“Wait a bit, gentlemen,” said Villemot. “Do you know that you are turning the universal legatee out of doors, and as yet his right has not been called in question?”

“Yes, it has,” said Fraisier; “we are opposing the transfer of the property.”

“And upon what grounds?”

“You shall know that by and by, my boy,” Fraisier replied, banteringly. “At this moment, if the legatee withdraws everything that he declares to be his, we shall raise no objections, but the room itself will be sealed. And M. Schmucke may lodge where he pleases.”

“No,” said Villemot; “M. Schmucke is going to stay in his room.”

“And how?”

“I shall demand an immediate special inquiry,” continued Villemot, “and prove that we pay half the rent. You shall not turn us out. Take away the pictures, decide on the ownership of the various articles, but here my client stops – ‘my boy.’”

“I shall go out!” the old musician suddenly said. He had recovered energy during the odious dispute.

“You had better,” said Fraisier. “Your course will save expense to you, for your contention would not be made good. The lease is evidence – ”

“The lease! the lease!” cried Villemot, “it is a question of good faith – ”

“That could only be proved in a criminal case, by calling witnesses. – Do you mean to plunge into experts’ fees and verifications, and orders to show cause why judgment should not be given, and law proceedings generally?”

“No, no!” cried Schmucke in dismay. “I shall turn out; I am used to it – ”

In practice Schmucke was a philosopher, an unconscious cynic, so greatly had he simplified his life. Two pairs of shoes, a pair of boots, a couple of suits of clothes, a dozen shirts, a dozen bandana handkerchiefs, four waistcoats, a superb pipe given to him by Pons, with an embroidered tobacco-pouch – these were all his belongings. Overwrought by a fever of indignation, he went into his room and piled his clothes upon a chair.

“All dese are mine,” he said, with simplicity worthy of Cincinnatus. “Der biano is also mine.”

Fraisier turned to La Sauvage. “Madame, get help,” he said; “take that piano out and put it on the landing.”

“You are too rough into the bargain,” said Villemot, addressing Fraisier. “The justice of the peace gives orders here; he is supreme.”

“There are valuables in the room,” put in the clerk.

“And besides,” added the justice of the peace, “M. Schmucke is going out of his own free will.”

“Did any one ever see such a client!” Villemot cried indignantly, turning upon Schmucke. “You are as limp as a rag – ”

“Vat dos it matter vere von dies?” Schmucke said as he went out. “Dese men haf tiger faces… I shall send somebody to vetch mein bits of dings.”

“Where are you going, sir?”

“Vere it shall blease Gott,” returned Pons’ universal legatee with supreme indifference.

“Send me word,” said Villemot.

Fraisier turned to the head-clerk. “Go after him,” he whispered.

Mme. Cantinet was left in charge, with a provision of fifty francs paid out of the money that they found. The justice of the peace looked out; there Schmucke stood in the courtyard looking up at the windows for the last time.

“You have found a man of butter,” remarked the justice.

“Yes,” said Fraisier, “yes. The thing is as good as done. You need not hesitate to marry your granddaughter to Poulain; he will be head-surgeon at the Quinze-Vingts.” (The Asylum founded by St. Louis for three hundred blind people.)

“We shall see. – Good-day, M. Fraisier,” said the justice of the peace with a friendly air.

“There is a man with a head on his shoulders,” remarked the justice’s clerk. “The dog will go a long way.”

By this time it was eleven o’clock. The old German went like an automaton down the road along which Pons and he had so often walked together. Wherever he went he saw Pons, he almost thought that Pons was by his side; and so he reached the theatre just as his friend Topinard was coming out of it after a morning spent in cleaning the lamps and meditating on the manager’s tyranny.

“Oh, shoost der ding for me!” cried Schmucke, stopping his acquaintance. “Dopinart! you haf a lodging someveres, eh?”

“Yes, sir.”

“A home off your own?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Are you villing to take me for ein poarder? Oh! I shall pay ver’ vell; I haf nine hundert vrancs of inkomm, und – I haf not ver’ long ter lif… I shall gif no drouble vatefer… I can eat onydings – I only vant to shmoke mein bipe. Und – you are der only von dat haf shed a tear for Bons, mit me; und so, I lof you.”

“I should be very glad, sir; but, to begin with, M. Gaudissart has given me a proper wigging – ”

“Vigging?”

“That is one way of saying that he combed my hair for me.”

“Combed your hair?”

“He gave me a scolding for meddling in your affairs… So we must be very careful if you come to me. But I doubt whether you will stay when you have seen the place; you do not know how we poor devils live.”

“I should rader der boor home of a goot-hearted mann dot haf mourned Bons, dan der Duileries mit men dot haf ein tiger face… I haf chust left tigers in Bons’ house; dey vill eat up everydings – ”

“Come with me, sir, and you shall see. But – well, anyhow, there is a garret. Let us see what Mme. Topinard says.”

Schmucke followed like a sheep, while Topinard led the way into one of the squalid districts which might be called the cancers of Paris – a spot known as the Cite Bordin. It is a slum out of the Rue de Bondy, a double row of houses run up by the speculative builder, under the shadow of the huge mass of the Porte Saint-Martin theatre. The pavement at the higher end lies below the level of the Rue de Bondy; at the lower it falls away towards the Rue des Mathurins du Temple. Follow its course and you find that it terminates in another slum running at right angles to the first – the Cite Bordin is, in fact, a T-shaped blind alley. Its two streets thus arranged contain some thirty houses, six or seven stories high; and every story, and every room in every story, is a workshop and a warehouse for goods of every sort and description, for this wart upon the face of Paris is a miniature Faubourg Saint-Antoine. Cabinet-work and brasswork, theatrical costumes, blown glass, painted porcelain – all the various fancy goods known as l’article Paris are made here. Dirty and productive like commerce, always full of traffic – foot-passengers, vans, and drays – the Cite Bourdin is an unsavory-looking neighborhood, with a seething population in keeping with the squalid surroundings. It is a not unintelligent artisan population, though the whole power of the intellect is absorbed by the day’s manual labor. Topinard, like every other inhabitant of the Cite Bourdin, lived in it for the sake of comparatively low rent, the cause of its existence and prosperity. His sixth floor lodging, in the second house to the left, looked out upon the belt of green garden, still in existence, at the back of three or four large mansions in the Rue de Bondy.