Dancing on Coffins. Black comedy

Dancing on Coffins. Black comedy
Yan Bratovich

Harold Hoffman is a head of funeral home. Hoffman and his comical colleagues decide that it is necessary to increase the number of orders for coffins and a funeral. They want to increase death rate in the city. The journalist Julia Shweetner understands – this group of psychopaths threatens her city and fight against them.

Dancing on Coffins

Black comedy

Yan Bratovich

© Yan Bratovich, 2017

ISBN 978-5-4483-8889-7

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

EXT. MINNEAPOLIS – CITY ROAD – DAY

An old black JEEP with a coffin strapped to the roof makes its way down the road, following a stream of cars.

EXT. BANK – DAY

Coming out of the bank, a fat rat runs out onto the road, the Jeep closing in on it, running it over.

INT. JEEP – DAY

Four people sit. At the wheel, HAROLD HOFFMAN (31), tall and thin dressed in a long black overcoat; head of funeral home “HON”. On his neck hangs a thick silver chain with a tiny silver coffin pendant.

On the passenger side sits HITCH (22), an albino with a bitter face, dressed in a black shirt and a black suit.

In the back we see HAZONE (36) and HUMPBACKED SILLY (38). HAZONE, a typical skin headed goon in a black polo neck and jacket holding a shovel, ready to dig a grave. HUMPBACKED SILLY, is literally a humpbacked man with a silly look on his face, disheveled hair, dressed in a black vest and old grey sweater.

HITCH

We squashed that rat!

HAROLD HOFFMAN

(One bank rat is more, one has is less. What’s the odd? These bank rats are bloodsuckers and they will be worse than us. Believe me.)

HOFFMAN lights a up a brown cigarette.

HITCH

(to Hoffman)

Harry, what are we carrying this woman in the coffin for?

HAROLD HOFFMAN

The client hasn’t paid. He came, threw his dead wife in the coffin, and took off.

Hitch laughs loudly and hysterically. HOFFMAN smiles.

HITCH

And now it’s on our head?

HAROLD HOFFMAN

Yes.

HITCH

So why are we dragging it around? We could have left it at the office!

HAROLD HOFFMAN

Because his time has run up, and I’ve used the last number he’s called me from to track him down. We’re going to his house to return her.

HITCH

(Laughing)

I can’t wait to see the look on his face!

HAROLD HOFFMAN

(Oh yes. So… deathburger for everyone.

(Laughs)

Do not twitch and listen to me.)

HITCH

Can we stop for some smokes first?

HAROLD HOFFMAN

Sure. There’s a shop near the bus stop. I’ll pull over.

EXT. BUS STOP – DAY

Hoffman brakes sharply near the stop and the coffin goes flying off the roof of the Jeep and rams into the people standing at the stop. As inertia would have it; the dead woman goes flying out of the coffin too, people start screaming frantically.

THE ELDERLY WOMAN

A mummy!