Dancing on Coffins. Black comedy

Shit! This bitch on the roof is knocking! Hazone!

HAZONE

What?

HAROLD HOFFMAN

You fancy this lady in the coffin?

Hazone lewdly licks his lips.

HAZONE

Yes. Very much. She’s as beautiful as plastic flowers.

Hoffman nervously finishes smoking his cigarette and throws the stub out the window.

HAROLD HOFFMAN

Well, then let’s go back to the office. To hell with her! Let Hazone have a good time with her. This home delivery isn’t doing it for me. Our new stage in life begins now and we should waste our time on trifles.

Hoffman switches car gears and takes off abruptly.

EXT. “MALL OF AMERICA” – DAY

With a microphone in one hand stands a TV reporter JULIA SHWEETNER (25), a blue-eyed girl with curly dirty blonde hair, dressed in an expensive grey coat and a fashionable green scarf wrapped around her neck.

JULIA SHWEETNER

How do I look Bobby?

In front of her, BOBBY (27) the camera operator, an unshaven guy in a red jacket stands with the camera on and strap around his shoulder.

BOBBY

Smile. Exude happiness. Be positive.

Julia smiles.

JULIA SHWEETNER

I don’t pretend to be happy Bobby, I am happy.

Julia smiles timidly and her eyes sparkle. She looks to her watch.

JULIA SHWEETNER

Okay, let’s get this show on the road. Out the text up.

Bobby lifts a sheet of paper for her to read off of, and holds it near the camera.

JULIA SHWEETNER

The new MALL OF AMERICA will be opening tonight; and it will be noted as the architectural decision of the decade. The lights, and streaming water fixtures are very beautiful and unusual to the typically mundane environment of our city – this hi-tech shopping centre certainly brings a work of art to our landscape. All profits earned from the first couple of days within the mall’s opening will go to charities for sick children.

Bobby gives her a thumbs-up.

JULIA SHWEETNER

As organizers speak, there will be no problems with parking at the opening, and many have been signed on to VIP-parking. Mall attractions include the “Big wheel” and a Falling Tower. An attraction called “The Web stealing a brain”, amongst others. There will also be a 5D cinema and skating rink.

Julia lowers her microphone.

BOBBY

Looks good Julia!

Bobby lowers the camera.

JULIA SHWEETNER

Was it really?

BOBBY

Perfect.

Julia smiles.

JULIA SHWEETNER

Don’t flatter me. I want honesty, I’m still new to this you know.

BOBBY

I told you – it’s perfect. We needed to edit the opening though.

JULIA SHWEETNER

How long till the final product?

BOBBY

(looks to his watch)

About two hours.

JULIA SHWEETNER