Monsieur De Pourceaugnac

Il malato
Non è disperato
Se vol pigliar un poco d'allegria,
Altro non è la pazzia
Che malinconia.

2ND PHYSICIAN

Sù; cantate, ballate, ridete.
E, se far meglio volete,
Quando sentite il deliro vicino
Pigliate del vino,
E qualche volta un poco di tabàc.
Allegramente, Monsu Pourceaugnàc. [9 - Translation:The Two PhysiciansGood day, good day, good day!Yield not yourself a preyTo melancholy sway.We'll make you laugh, I trow,With songs harmonious, gay.Unto us your cure is dear,For that alone we're here.Good day, good day, good day!1st PhysicianNought else is madness trueSave melancholy blue.Not lost is he,Though sick he be,Who sips of mirth the dew.Nought else is madness trueSave melancholy blue.2nd PhysicianUp then! sing loud, and dance and play,"Better still I'd do!" you say.Delirium's nigh – if you must pine,Take first some wine;And sometimes, too, take your tabàcRight joyfully, Monsu Pourceaugnac.]

SCENE XIV. – BALLET

SCENE XV. – MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY

Apo. Sir, here is a little remedy; a little remedy which you must take, if you please; if you please.

Mr. Pour. How? I have no occasion for anything of the kind.

Apo. It was ordered, Sir; it was ordered.

Mr. Pour. Ah! What noise and bother.

Apo. Take it, Sir; take it, Sir. It will do you no harm; it will do you no harm, &c.

(Mr. de Pourceaugnac runs away, the Apothecary &c. after him.)

SCENE XVI. – MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY, TWO PHYSICIANS (in grotesque clothes)

The Two Physicians

Piglialo sù,
Signor Monsu;
Piglialo, piglialo, piglialo sù,
Che non ti fara, male, &c.[10 - Take it, take it. Sir; it will do you no harm, &c.]

ACT II

SCENE I. – 1ST PHYSICIAN, SBRIGANI

1st Phy. He has forced through every obstacle I had placed to hinder him, and has fled from the remedies I was beginning to prepare for him.

Sbri. To avoid remedies so salutary as yours is to be a great enemy to oneself.

1st Phy. It is the mark of a disturbed brain and of a depraved reason to be unwilling to be cured.

Sbri. You would have cured him, for certain, in no time.

1st Phy. Certainly; though there had been the complication of a dozen diseases.

Sbri. With all that he makes you lose those fifty well-earned pistoles.

1st Phy. I have no intention of losing them; and I am determined to cure him in spite of himself. He is bound and engaged to take my remedies; and I will have him seized, wherever I can find him, as a deserter from physic and an infringer of my prescriptions.

Sbri. You are right. Your medicines were sure of their effect; and it is so much money he takes from you.

1st Phy. Where could I find him?

Sbri. No doubt, at the house of that goodman Oronte, whose daughter he comes to marry; and who, knowing nothing of the infirmity of his future son-in-law, will perhaps be in a hurry to conclude the marriage.

1st Phy. I will go and speak to him at once.

Sbri. You should, in justice to yourself.

1st Phy. He is in need of my consultations; and a patient must not make a fool of his doctor.

Sbri. That is well said; and, if I were you, I would not suffer him to marry till you have physicked him to your heart's content.

1st Phy. Leave that to me.

Sbri. (aside, and going). For my part, I will bring another battery into play; for the father-in-law is as much of a dupe as the son-in-law.

SCENE II. – ORONTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN

1st Phy. A certain gentleman, Sir, a Mr. de Pourceaugnac, is to marry your daughter; is he not?

Oro. Yes; I expect him from Limoges, and he ought to have been here before now.

1st Phy. And he has come; he has run away from my house, after having been placed under my care; but I forbid you, in the name of the faculty, to proceed with the marriage you have decided upon, before I have duly prepared him for it, and put him in a state to have children well-conditioned both in mind and body.

Oro. What is it you mean?

1st Phy. Your intended son-in-law was entered as my patient. His disease which was given me to cure is a chattel which belongs to me, and which I reckon among my possessions. I therefore declare to you that I will not allow him to marry before he has rendered due satisfaction to the faculty, and submitted to the remedies which I have ordered for him.

Oro. He is suffering from some disease?

1st Phy. Yes.

Oro. And from what disease, if you please?

1st Phy. Don't trouble yourself about that.

Oro. Is it some disease…?

1st Phy. Doctors are bound to keep things secret. Let it suffice you that I enjoin both you and your daughter not to celebrate the wedding without my consent, upon pain of incurring the displeasure of the faculty, and of undergoing all the diseases which we choose to lay upon you.