Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas

Joe (sitting down on floor, and weaving straws in his hair.) My curse upon him that invented jam. Let us all play Tibbits.

[Laughs vacantly; all gather round him, shaking their heads, his Mother falls fainting at his feet as curtain falls upon a strong and moral, though undeniably gloomy dénoûment.

iii.– THE MAN-TRAP

This Drama, which, like our last, has been suggested by a poem of the Misses Taylor, will be found most striking and impressive in representation upon the Music-hall stage. The dramatist has ventured to depart somewhat from the letter, though not the spirit, of the original text, in his desire to enforce the moral to the fullest possible extent. Our present piece is intended to teach the great lesson that an inevitable Nemesis attends apple-stealing in this world, and that Doom cannot be disarmed by the intercession of the evil-doer's friends, however well-meaning.

THE MAN-TRAP!

A THRILLING MORAL MUSICAL SENSATION SKETCH IN ONE SCENE

Dramatis Personæ.

Scene. —An elaborate set, representing, on extreme left, a portion of the high road, and wall dividing it from an orchard; realistic apple- and pear-trees laden with fruit. Time, about four o'clock on a hot afternoon.Enter Williamand Thomas, hand-in-hand, along road; they ignore the dividing wall, and advance to front of stage.

Duet.– Williamand Thomas

Wm. I'm a reg'lar model boy, I am; so please make no mistake.
It's Thomas who's the bad 'un —I'm the good!
Thos. Yes, I delight in naughtiness for naughtiness's sake,
And I wouldn't be like William if I could!

Chorus

Wm. Ever since I could toddle, my conduct's been model,
There's, oh, such a difference between me and him!
Thos. While still in the cradle, I orders obeyed ill,
And now I've grown into a awful young limb!
he's
Together. Yes, now { I've} grown into a awful young limb.
I've made up my mind not to imitate him!

    [Here they dance.

Second Verse

Wm. If someone hits him in the eye, he always hits them back!
When I am struck, my Ma I merely tell!
On passing fat pigs in a lane, he'll give 'em each a whack!
Thos. (impenitently). And jolly fun it is to hear 'em yell!

    [Chorus.

Third Verse

Wm. He's always cribbing coppers – which he spends on lollipops.
Thos.(A share of which you've never yet refused!)
Wm. A stone he'll shy at frogs and toads, and anything that hops!
Thos.(While you look on, and seem to be amused!)

    [Chorus.

Fourth Verse

Wm. As soon as school is over, Thomas goes a hunting squirr'ls,
Or butterflies he'll capture in his hat!
Thos.You play at Kissing in the Ring with all the little girls!
Wm. (demurely). Well, Thomas, I can see no harm in that!

    [Chorus.

Fifth Verse

Wm. Ah, Thomas, if you don't reform, you'll come to some bad end!
Thos. Oh, William, put your head inside a bag!
Wm. No, Thomas, that I cannot – till you promise to amend!
Thos. Why, William, what a chap you are to nag!

[Chorus and dance. Thomasreturns to road, and regards the apple-trees longingly over top of wall.

Thos. Hi, William, look … what apples! there – don't you see?
And pears – my eye! just ain't they looking juicy!
Wm. Nay, Thomas, since you're bent upon a sin,
I will walk on, and visit Benjamin!

[Exit William (l. 2 e.), while Thomasproceeds to scale the wall and climb the boughs of the nearest pear-tree. Melodramatic Music. The Monster Man-trap stealthily emerges from long grass below, and fixes a baleful eye on the unconscious Thomas.

Thos. I'll fill my pockets, and on pears I'll feast!

[Sees Man-trap, and staggers

Oh, lor – whatever is that hugly beast!
Hi, help, here! call him off!..
The Monster.'Tis vain to holler —
My horders are – all trespassers to swoller!
You just come down – I'm waiting 'ere to ketch you.
(Indignantly.) You don't expect I'm coming up to fetch you!
Thos. (politely.) Oh, not if it would inconvenience you, Sir!
(In agonised aside.) I feel my grip grow every moment looser!

    [The Monster, in a slow, uncouth manner, proceeds to scramble up the tree.
Oh, here's a go! The horrid thing can climb!
Too late I do repent me of my crime!

[Terrific sensation chase! The Monster Man-trap leaps from bough to bough with horrible agility, and eventually secures his prey, and leaps with it to the ground.

Thos. (in the Monster's jaws). I'm sure you seem a kind, good-natured creature —
You will not harm me?