Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas

Are running low – soon falls the final grain!
Yet, even now, the glass I would not turn.
My Emily is not without her faults
"Was not without them," I should rather say,
For during ten idyllic years of courtship,
By precept and example I have striven
To mould her to a helpmate fit for me.
Now, thank the Gods, my labours are complete.
She stands redeemed from all her giddiness!

    [Here he steps upon the pin, and utters an exclamation.
Ha! What is this? I'm wounded … agony!
With what a darting pain my foot's transfixed!
I'll summon help (with calm courage) – yet, stay, I would not dim
This nuptial day by any sombre cloud.
I'll bear this stroke alone – and now to probe
The full extent of my calamity.

[Seats himself on sofa in such a position as to be concealed by the screen from all but the audience, and proceeds to remove his boot.

Ye powers of Perfidy, it is a pin!
I must know more of this – for it is meet
Such criminal neglect should be exposed.
Severe shall be that house-maid's punishment
Who's proved to be responsible for this! —
But soft, I hear a step.

[Enter First and Second Bridesmaids, who hunt diligently upon the carpet without observing Peter's presence.

Emily's Voice (within). Oh, search, I pray you.
It must be there – my own ears heard it fall!

[Peterbetrays growing uneasiness

The Bridesmaids. Indeed, we fail to see it anywhere!
Emily (entering distractedly in bridal costume, with a large rent in her train).
You have no eyes, I tell you, let me help.
It must be found, or I am all undone!
In vain my cushion I have cut in two
'Twas void of all but stuffing … Gracious Heavens,
To think that all my future bliss depends
On the evasive malice of a pin!

    [Peterbehind screen, starts violently.
Peter (aside). A pin! what dire misgivings wring my heart!

[Hops forward with a cold dignity, holding one foot in his hand

You seem in some excitement, Emily?
Emily (wildly). You, Peter!.. tell me – have you found a pin?
Peter (with deadly calm). Unhappy girl – I have! (To Bridesmaids.) Withdraw awhile,
And should we need you, we will summon you.

[Exeunt Bridesmaids; Emilyand Peterstand facing each other for some moments in dead silence.

The pin is found – for I have trodden on it,
And may, for aught I know, be lamed for life.
Speak, Emily, what is that maid's desert
Whose carelessness has led to this mishap?

Emily (in the desperate hope of shielding herself).
Why, should the fault he traced to any maid,
Instant dismissal shall be her reward,
With a month's wages paid in lieu of notice!

Peter (with a passionless severity).
From your own lips I judge you, Emily.
Did they not own just now that you had heard
The falling of a pin – yet heeded not?
Behold the outcome of your negligence!

[Extends his injured foot

Emily. Oh, let me kiss the place and make it well!
Peter (coldly withdrawing foot). Keep your caresses till I ask for them.
My wound goes deeper than you wot of yet,
And by that disregarded pin is pricked
The iridescent bubble of Illusion!
Emily (slowly). Indeed, I do not wholly comprehend.
Peter. Have patience and I will be plainer yet.
Mine is a complex nature, Emily;
Magnanimous, but still methodical.
An injury I freely can forgive,
Forget it (striking his chest), never! She who leaves about
Pins on the floor to pierce a lover's foot,
Will surely plant a thorn within the side
Of him whose fate it is to be her husband!
Emily (dragging herself towards him on her knees). Have pity on me, Peter; I was mad!
Peter (with emotion). How can I choose but pity thee, poor soul,
Who, for the sake of temporary ease,
Hast forfeited the bliss that had been thine!
You could not stoop to pick a pin up. Why?
Because, forsooth, 'twas but a paltry pin!
Yet, duly husbanded, that self-same pin
Had served you to secure your gaping train,
Your self-respect – and Me.
Emily (wailing). What have I done?
Peter. I will not now reproach you, Emily,
Nor would I dwell upon my wounded sole,
The pain of which increases momently.