The Complete Works of Josh Billings

Don’t borry nor lend, but if you must do one, lend.

Giv me an inkum ov 10 thousand, 500 a year, and i will agree tew be a philosopher the rest ov mi days.

He whom prosperity humbles, and adversity strengthens, is the true hero.

Faith beats both wisdum and learning.

Envy and jealousy are two pashunz, which no man haz ever yet been free from, and yet no man ever admits he iz possessed of them.

Take all the good luk out ov this world, and millionaires and heroes would be dredful skarse.

Genius, like the yung eagle, don’t hav tew make enny trial trips, but when it iz full fledged, pushes boldly out, even towards the sun.

Fortune iz represented az blind, and thoze who receive most ov her favours go it blind.

If thare want no evil in this world, thare wouldn’t be much wisdum, i suppoze.

It iz the little things ov life that makes the burden heavy – to carry a hundred weight at once iz no grate load, but tew hav it put on our backs, a pound at a time, iz.

Men are often praized for their sagassity, but all the fore-sight in the world kant tell a dubble yelked egg untill it iz broken.

Haven’t yu ever seen a little child tri tew pik up four apples with its little hands at once, and spill at least two ov them? Men are konstantly trieing the same game, with the same kind ov suckcess.

One way tew define love iz, that it makes us pheal phunny and akt phoolish.

Love feeds on hopes and fears, and, like the chameleon, takes its color from what it feeds on.

Silence makes but phew blunders, and thoze it kan easily korrekt.

Thare iz hardly enny man so wicked but that he respekts virtew for the protekshun it affords him.

The further advances a man makes in knowledge, the less satisfied he iz with what he knows.

Gallantry may possibly be defined az the politeness ov flattery.

My yung friend, don’t forgit one thing – however cunning yu may be, the eazyest man in all the world for yu tew cheat iz yureself.

Az good a way az i kno ov tew git at enny man’s honesty, iz tew divide what he claims tew hav by four, and then guess at what’s left.

The text which haz been most preached from by the human family iz vanity.

Thare are az menny old phools in this world az yung ones, and the old ones are the sillyest.

The publik judge ov a man by his suckcess.

Avarice eats up everything, even ekonemy.

Hope iz a blind guide, but whare will you find a better one?

I like a wide-awake christian, one whoze virtew has got some kayenne pepper in it.

Indolence may not be a crime, but it iz liable tew be at enny time.

I am satisfied thare is more imaginary trouble in this world than real.

Most ov us, when we repent ov our sins, think it iz a change ov heart, when in fakt, it iz only a fear ov punishment.

I hav sumtimes thought that the man with menny vices, was safer than with one, for the menny vices often wear each other out, while the one wears the man out.

Thare iz a time for all things, thare is a time tew pray, and thare iz a time to say amen, rool up yure sleeves and pitch in.

“Reform! Reform!” this iz too often the watchword ov mere charlatans.

Thare iz but very phew men whoze wisdum lasts them their lives out.

Thare iz hipokrits in vice az well az in virtew; i have seen men affekt the rake and the roue, whoze best holt waz the katekism.

It iz hard work for us tew luv a man who haz no faults nor failings.

He who sues for suckcess don’t git it so often az he who demands it.

Suckcess iz a coquet, and a bashful lover never wins her.

No woman yet waz ever satisfied to be a prude, who could be a suckcessfull coquet.

Flattery iz just like cheeze, or ennything else we deal in, the supply is alwus regulated bi the demand.

If all the vanity should leave this world, haff the virtew would go with it; thare iz no telling how menny ov us are simply proud ov our various virtews.

Blood ain’t nothing, munny and clothes iz what tells.

The things in this world that are the best done show the least sighns ov labour, yet they are the most diffikult to do; the reason ov this iz, bekauze they are so natral.

It iz eazy enuff, perhaps, for us tew tell what we admire, esteem and respekt, in a man, but tew tell what we love ain’t so eazy.

Amung the vast number ov phools in this world thare iz only a phew who are born so.

Accepting praize that iz not our due iz not mutch better than tew be a receiver of stolen goods.

Thoze who have once tasted the joys ov Humility will tell yu that it iz the sweetest cup their Heavenly Father ever held to their lips.

INK BRATS

I thank Heaven for one thing, that thare iz not in this wide world a human, or inhuman being, that i would not rather help than hurt. I find this sentiment in mi conscience, or i wouldn’t dare claim it, and i kno mi own conscience better than enny boddy else duz.

Better lend yure dimes tew a stranger than yure affeckshuns. Better lend yure dollars to enny boddy than yure dolors. Silence iz venerable; if thare iz enny thing older than the Creator, it must hav bin silence.

The buty ov gratitude iz that a beggar kan be az grateful az a prince, and the power ov gratitude iz that “I thank you,” makes the beggar equal tew the prince. A good conscience iz the best friend we kan hav, and a bad one the worst, becauze it never deserts us.