Fruits of Culture

SIMON [laughs] Yes, ma'm, just so.

FAT LADY. Still not unendurable?

SIMON. Just so, ma'm. [To Leoníd Fyódoritch] Am I to go?

LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Yes, you may go.

DOCTOR [to the Professor] The pulse is the same, but the temperature is lower.

PROFESSOR. Lower! [Considers awhile, then suddenly divines the conclusion] It had to be so – it had to descend! The dual influence crossing had to produce some kind of reflex action. Yes, that's it!

Enter Theodore Ivánitch.

LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [with paper in his hand] Ah, Theodore, what a remarkable séance we have had! It turns out that the peasants must have the land on their own terms.

THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Dear me!

LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Yes, indeed. [Showing paper] Fancy, this paper that I returned to them, suddenly appeared on the table! I have signed it.

THEODORE IVÁNITCH. How did it get there?

LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Well, it did get there! [Exit, Theodore Ivánitch follows him out].

TÁNYA [gets from under the sofa and laughs] Oh dear, oh dear! Well, I did get a fright when he got hold of the thread! [Shrieks] Well, anyhow, it's all right – he has signed it!

Enter Gregory.

GREGORY. So it was you that was fooling them?

TÁNYA. What business is it of yours?

GREGORY. And do you think the missis will be pleased with you for it? No, you bet; you're caught now! I'll tell them what tricks you're up to, if you don't let me have my way!

TÁNYA. And you'll not get your way, and you'll not do me any harm!

Curtain

ACT IV

The same scene as in Act I (#act1). The next day. Two liveried footmen, Theodore Ivánitch and Gregory.

FIRST FOOTMAN [with grey whiskers] Yours is the third house to-day. Thank goodness that all the at-homes are in this direction. Yours used to be on Thursdays.

THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Yes, we changed to Saturday so as to be on the same day as the Golóvkins and Grade von Grabes …

SECOND FOOTMAN. The Stcherbákofs do the thing well. There's refreshments for the footmen every time they've a ball.

The two Princesses, mother and daughter, come down the stairs accompanied by Betsy. The old Princess looks in her note-book and at her watch, and sits down on the settle. Gregory puts on her overshoes.

YOUNG PRINCESS. Now, do come. Because, if you refuse, and Dodo refuses, the whole thing will be spoilt.

BETSY. I don't know. I must certainly go to the Shoúbins. And then there is the rehearsal.

YOUNG PRINCESS. You'll have plenty of time. Do, please. Ne nous fais pas faux bond.[14 - Do not disappoint us.] Fédya and Koko will come.

BETSY. J'en ai par-dessus la tête de votre Koko.[15 - BETSY. I have more than enough of your Koko.]

YOUNG PRINCESS. I thought I should see him here. Ordinairement il est d'une exactitude …[16 - YOUNG PRINCESS. … He is usually so very punctual …]

BETSY. He is sure to come.

YOUNG PRINCESS. When I see you together, it always seems to me that he has either just proposed or is just going to propose.

BETSY. Yes, I don't suppose it can be avoided. I shall have to go through with it. And it is so unpleasant!

YOUNG PRINCESS. Poor Koko! He is head over ears in love.

BETSY. Cessez, les gens![17 - BETSY. Cease; mind the servants!]

Young Princess sits down, talking in whispers. Gregory puts on her overshoes.

YOUNG PRINCESS. Well then, good-bye till this evening.

BETSY. I'll try to come.

OLD PRINCESS. Then tell your papa that I don't believe in anything of the kind, but will come to see his new medium. Only he must let me know when. Good afternoon, ma toute belle. [Kisses Betsy, and exit, followed by her daughter. Betsy goes upstairs].

GREGORY. I don't like putting on an old woman's overshoes for her; she can't stoop, can't see her shoe for her stomach, and keeps poking her foot in the wrong place. It's different with a young one; it's pleasant to take her foot in one's hand.

SECOND FOOTMAN. Hear him! Making distinctions!

FIRST FOOTMAN. It's not for us footmen to make such distinctions.

GREGORY. Why shouldn't one make distinctions; are we not men? It's they think we don't understand! Just now they were deep in their talk, then they look at me, and at once it's “lay zhon!”

SECOND FOOTMAN. And what's that?

GREGORY. Oh, that means, “Don't talk, they understand!” It's the same at table. But I understand! You say, there's a difference? I say there is none.

FIRST FOOTMAN. There is a great difference for those who understand.

GREGORY. There is none at all. To-day I am a footman, and to-morrow I may be living no worse than they are. Has it never happened that they've married footmen? I'll go and have a smoke. [Exit].

SECOND FOOTMAN. That's a bold young man you've got.

THEODORE IVÁNITCH. A worthless fellow, not fit for service. He used to be an office boy and has got spoilt. I advised them not to take him, but the mistress liked him. He looks well on the carriage when they drive out.

FIRST FOOTMAN. I should like to send him to our Count; he'd put him in his place! Oh, he don't like those scatterbrains. “If you're a footman, be a footman and fulfil your calling.” Such pride is not befitting.