e: A Novel

Finally, though I hesitate to say so at this juncture, maybe in the calm light of tomorrow morning the merits of the Coke campaign I showed you earlier will be more apparent.

Si

David Crutton – 5/1/00, 4.26pm

to… Simon Horne

cc…

re… bated breath

No they bloody won’t.

Liam O’Keefe – 5/1/00, 4.27pm

to… Vince Douglas; Brett Topowlski

cc…

re… arsehole

For what it’s worth, I reckon your Coke idea was twenty-four carat – ‘cOKe’! It was staring me in the face – the two most universal words on the planet right there on the bloody can. Horne’s a bigger arse than I thought for dumping it. Mind you, he crapped on everything he saw. Either he wants to lose this pitch or he has an amazing idea of his own – no, forget that last thought (airborne pigs etc). Got to go. Harriet’s just walked in and she’s smuggling melons. Later.

Simon Horne – 5/1/00, 4.30pm

to… Creative Department

cc…

bcc… David Crutton

re… what have I done to deserve you?

I feel very badly let down by each and every one of you.

No, worse than let down.

Wounded.

I seem to spend my life defending your hides.

You repay me with the saddest parade of ideas passing off as advertising that it has been my misfortune to see.

At 3.30 tomorrow we will review Coca-Cola once again.

This is the saloon named Last Chance.

I kid you not.

Si

Nigel Godley – 5/1/00, 4.31pm

to… All Departments

cc…

re… going, going…

I’m right out of staples and paper clips but I still have pads (lined and plain) and green Bics – Nige

Simon Horne – 5/1/00, 4.36pm

to… Vince Douglas; Brett Topowlski

cc…

bcc… David Crutton

re… FINAL WARNING

Gentlemen, I held back from singling you out in my note to the department to spare your embarrassment.

However, I would like you to know that your Coke idea was the worst of a lamentable bunch.

If you believe you can convince me that taking the brand name and highlighting the letters ‘OK’ is l’idée grande, one that will win us a multi-million pound account, then you must think I have been in this business five minutes.

It was worse than pathetic.

For too long I have harboured the fond hope that your banal profanities and shabby appearance masked the quick wits of true creative practitioners.

Sadly not.

Maybe you are simply demob happy at the prospect of winging your way to Mauritius next week to shoot LOVE. I would be more than happy to lift that heavy burden from your shoulders and cover the job myself if it would mean your rapt attention on Coke.

And when you have a moment, Vince, you might care to jot down on a scrap of paper exactly how you think that wearing a T-shirt that bears the legend, ‘TITS OUT FOR THE ART DIRECTOR’ could possibly be seen as suitable wear on a highly paid professional. I would love to know.

Si

Harriet Greenbaum – 5/1/00, 4.43pm

to… James Gregory; Katie Philpott

cc…

re… phew!

Pinki and Liam have given me some Mako scripts and posters that have put a grin on my face for the first time in weeks. Come and inspect them immediately and tell me that the pressure to salvage this account hasn’t totally screwed my judgement.