e: A Novel

Simon Horne – 4/1/00, 6.27pm

to… Melinda Sheridan

cc…

re… Worried of Television

Mel darling, it is nothing. I just happened to bump into Quentin’s agent in the Groucho.

I mentioned Kimbelle, purely en passant.

As usual, David’s blown it all way out of proportion.

Besides, you must know that, as Head of TV, I would consult you first on such a radical move.

Must dash, but if you are in les environs of Bibendum tonight, pop in for a quick one. I will be there with Al Parker and Ridley.

Si

Liam O’Keefe – 4/1/00, 6.31pm

to… Brett Topowlski

cc…

re… coast clear

I’ve just seen Horne get into his taxi. Quit pretending to work and get your arses to BZ. See you there in ten – Pinki’s back from Gypsy Rose Lee and we need to catch up. Look after Lol till I get there. And if you notice that she’s not suffering from VPL, it’s because the saucy minx ain’t wearing any.

David Crutton – 4/1/00, 7.33pm

to… Simon Horne

cc…

re… needless hassles

Stop flapping and please humour Harriet’s desire to see more work. I’m sure nothing will be produced that betters your own stonking efforts, but it’s no skin off any noses if it is. And fuck Daniel. He flies into a panic if the 6.53 to Godalming is thirty seconds late. I have every faith that you’ll deliver a world-beating Coke campaign. Of course, if you let me down, the consequences for you scare even me.

pertti_vanhelden@millershanks-helsinki.co.fin

5/1/00, 8.06am (10.06am local)

to… david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk

cc…

re… be happy!

You are indeed 110% correct to tell your Created Director not to flap! For here is the astonishing Coca-Cola work I have been promising. It is, I think you will be agreeing, mole-breaking stuff. I waste no further ado and reveal all!

Our first commercial is opening on a grey scene of down-in-mouth teenagers sadly missing Coke refreshingness. This is quickly changing to technicolours as Europe’s premier pop group, Aqua, appear and are singing their own brand of uplifting, happy music:

We make fizzy pop,

And Coke make fizzy pop,

Put the two together,

And the fun, it never stop!

Fizzy whizzy pop,

That take you to the top,

It make you oh-so-happy,

And give the blues the chop!

As they sing, dance and lark about in a clean-cut, teenager way, the with-it youngsters are drinking Coca-Cola and their mood is transforming to beaming happiness.

And this is just the first TV script! I fax the other five to you now. Your reaction will be like mine when my top-gun team bring me this outrageous concept. WOW and DOUBLE WOW!! I know it will be a brave client to buy an idea of such power, but with your famous ‘ball of steel’, I am knowing you can do it.

Perhaps my overhead projections and me come over for the pitch to lend mortal support? I take already the liberty to put this thinking to Jim Weissmuller and he is most enthusing.

As soon as you are getting over the excitement, let me know what you think.

Toodle-pip – Pertti

David Crutton – 5/1/00, 8.10am

to… Chandra Kapoor

cc…

re… COMPETITION TIME

Complete the following sentence:

If my fucking e-mail is not fixed by tomorrow morning …

Ken Perry – 5/1/00, 8.15am

to… All Departments

cc…

re… FIRE DRILL